I don't know why I'm continuing this, but the shit's not over yet until the giant crap monster sings. Also I've made a slight change in the lyrics as well as some of GMP's dialogue.
*****
"Have you ever been in here before, Rog?" Brian asks.
The former scarecrow shook his head as they stood inside the entrance of the giant mountain of shit, which was quite huge and surprisingly wasn't all that bad now that Brian had gotten used to the smell with the help of author-chan. Stepping in further, the curly haired guitarist suddenly collided with a frightened looking dung beetle.
"Whoa there," he says.
"Alright there, take my advice and get outta here, there's somethin' really bad in there, mate!" the beetle cries. "You just don't wanna go in there, it's bloody bad I tell ya!"
"Oi, calm down," Roger says to him. "Now, just calm down and tell us what's wrong."
The dung beetle took a deep calming breath. "Right. Ok. It all started a few days ago. It was me and the lads. We was havin' a cuppa tea. The next thing we know Tezza's gone. We couldn't find him! We thought ah, maybe he's just gone off, ya know, to do a bit of shoppin' or somethin'. He never came back. Bazza was next. He was just walkin' along minding his own business. So I stood there and I said "Hey Bazza, how 'ya doin there, like, mate?" And then he waved over, and that was it...this giant thing came up outta the shite and pulled him under!"
"What pulled him under?" Brian asks.
The beetle shrugged. "I don't know, mate," it tells him. "But I thought to myself "Oh no I'm getting out of here!" And when I came out of hiding, I thought it was all clear. The lads were gone. Then I discovered the bastards had nailed me in. Anyway, I'm outta here. You two can do what ya like. There's some sort of flusher up there if you can be arsed to get to it. See ya's."
With a wave, the beetle took flight and flew past Roger and Brian towards the entrance, and the two men stood in silence for a moment until Brian noticed something jumping around a little ways down the path.
"What's that?" Brian asks, pointing to it.
Roger moved past him and down the path until they came to a section that lead to a drop-off of a giant circled opening filled with dung, where squares of bread were jumping about by the ledge.
"Oh it's sweetcorn," Roger says.
"BRING ME SOME SWEETCORN!" a deep voice bellows out, causing Brian and Roger to jump in surprise.
"Who was that?" Brian asks, looking around for the source of the voice.
Roger shrugged. "Don't know. But if that's what they want, I guess we'll give it some. Be careful where you step though. If you fall in, you'll smell for eternity."
"Hmmm, lovely," Brian mumbles, disgusted by the unpleasant image now burned into his mind.
Gathering up all the sweetcorn they could find, they threw every single piece into the pool of dung, which disappeared underneath the surface.
"Is that it?" Brian asks.
Suddenly a loud rumbling was heard from the middle, and both men froze in fear to the sight of the pool of dung bubbling with something slowly rising up from within, and they watched as a giant monster with green eyes and rotted teeth rose up, looking angry as ever.
"Holy shit..." Roger breathes out, his eyes wide. (literally XD)
The giant monster glared at the two as it cleared it's throat and began to...sing a vocal warm up? Brian and Roger looked at each other in confusion before looking back at the monster.
♫"Mimimimiiiii! I am the Great Mighty Poo and I'm going to throw my shit at you! A huge supply of tish come from my chocolate starfish. How about some scat you little twats!♫
The monster then proceeded in throwing giant balls of dung through the air, and Roger and Brian screamed and ran to avoid getting hit. They ran up the path, dodging the things being thrown at them until by pure luck, they came upon a large pile of dropped toilet paper rolls that suddenly gave the former scarecrow an idea.
"Bri, I have an idea!" Roger yells, pointing to the toilet paper.
"Yeah, and what might that be?!" Brian yells back, jumping out of the way of an oncoming dung ball.
"We throw toilet paper at it!" the blonde says, throwing a few rolls in his direction.
Brian caught them, and the giant monster opened it's mouth wide as it sang out a long note, giving them both an opportunity to throw toilet paper into's it ghastly and foul gaping maw, but it only seemed to anger it more as it continued it's song.
♫"Do you really think you'll both survive in here? You don't seem to know which creek you're in. Sweet corn is the only thing that makes it through my rear. How'd you think I keep this lovely grin?"♫ It smiled brightly, showing off it's yellow teeth. "Have some more caviar!" it laughs.
Sending more balls of dung through the air, the two jumped out of the way and ran further up the path with the bundles of toilet paper. The monster then opened it's mouth to sing another long note and Roger sent a roll in it's direction, which landed inside it's gaping mouth, causing it to choke and spit it back out.
♫"Now I'm really getting rather mad, you're like wiggly tickly shitty little tag nuts. When I knock you out with all my bab, I'm going to take your heads and ram them up my arse!"♫
"Your arse?" both Roger and Brian ask in unison.
♫"My arse."♫
"Your arse?!" the repeat.
♫"That's right, my arse!"♫
"Ewww!" Brian exclaims.
"My arse!"
"AAAAHHHHH!" Roger exclaims with a cringe.
♫"My aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrse!"♫ the monster continues, causing the glass case of the flusher to crack a bit from the frequency of the singing.
Roger took notice of the cracked flusher case, and another sudden idea came to mind. As the giant monster sang out more long notes, both the former scarecrow and the curly haired guitarist threw more rolls of toilet paper at it, which seemed to anger it even more as it suddenly stopped for a few seconds more spreading it's arms out and it belted out one long, and quite loud note, which shattered the glass to the flusher.
Brian looked over in the direction of hearing glass breaking, and Roger yelled over to him.
"Pull the flusher, I'll hold him off!" he yells.
The curly haired guitarist took off running down the long path in the direction of the flusher, where another badgers tail was at.
"Oh thank you, Freddie!" he says, and quickly taking the badger tail, he turned and pulled the lever to the flusher.
"Ah you cursed poodle head, look what you've done!" the monster yells out as it starts to spin downwards. "I'm flushing, I'm flushing! Oh what a world, what a world. Who would have thought a couple of little humans like you two could destroy my beautiful clagginess. Oooh I'm going! Ahh! Aaaahh! Nooo! Aaaaaahhhhh!"
And as it disappeared, the two men cheered.
"Now that's what I call a shit night at the opera," Roger says, smiling proudly at the now empty pool which was now just a hole.
Brian burst out laughing.
*****
Bye see you guys in the next chapter maybe.
YOU ARE READING
𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗻 𝗠𝗮𝘆'𝘀 𝗕𝗮𝗱 𝗛𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝗗𝗮𝘆 (𝗤𝘂𝗲𝗲𝗻/𝗖𝗕𝗙𝗗 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘆)
Humor*CURRENTLY ON HIATUS* After a night out of heavy drinking, Queen guitarist Brian May blacks out in the streets only to wake up in a strange place full of strange creatures. All he wants to do is go home but when he finds out that his beloved Red Spe...
