The Unresolved Dilemma

7.

7th May,2015
11.00 pm

It's been hard to maintain my diary since I was busy with my exams. I got  little distracted at first with that talk of Aksh. But I had worked hard for my exams and  I can't afford to ruin my exams with such thoughts. 15 days earlier our results were announced. I scored 94%, Aksh scored 88% and Tanishka surprisingly scored 92%. We, the three musketeers, were planning to get admission in the same college. Engineering,as a career, does not pay you much in India. So we were planning to choose a college where we can get opportunities for foreign studies. We all decided to pursue Computer engineering in one of the most prestigious college,The Greham University. We all were very excited and personally speaking, it was my dream to study in Greham University. Whenever I had pass near the university,it always gave me chills in my stomach and always dreamt of studying in the college.

We all submitted the forms and were eagerly waiting for the results. I knew that my admission was final. The trustee of the college is an old friend of my father. Also I had considerable marks to get admitted there.

We all made a plan to go on to another trekking trip but suddenly I remembered the whole of last trip and I denied. Since my last talk with Aksh, I haven't had much conversation with both of them. I never confrontated Tanishka about the thing. Maybe i never would because I had accepted it as a fling  and wanted to move on. May be we both were never alone to actually talk about it or just may be,I was falling in love with her. Yeah, I recently realised that apart from lust and attraction,I have another feeling for her. But I didn't knew what she was thinking about me and about us. We never really talked about the kiss,the first kiss. Whenever I pointed out about the first kiss she would ignore and start playing with my hairs . This was usual until the day of May 3rd .Yes,this was the very day,we went on our so called date. It was only two of us. No Aksh because he had some party at his Uncle's house.

This date was the perfect opportunity and I was smart enough to seize it. We both had dinner at our  favourite restaurant,Bogarosa. We were having the usual conversation about philosophies of different religions,cars,bikes,long drives,yachts and all sorts of unrealistic expectations from life while taking a stroll at the Riverfront and we already had covered  more than 3 kilometres distance . We were so engrossed in the talk that distance seemed just like few steps. I was having a normal conversation with her but my mind was all busy in making strategy to pop out the first kiss and see the reaction.

I took a good look around me and saw nobody was there except for the calm,soothing and misty flow of the river that was encouraging me to do  what I did next.  I,on that very second,on that very particular beat,on that very cold breeze that just touched my face and ruffled  my hairs, took her hand and cornered her and gave her a kiss. She was shaking and smiling at the same time. She back kissed me. And I knew for sure that the love was in the air .  After that exhilarating moment, we both talked about how we want our relationship to build up and the most important question, "Should we tell Aksh about this?" After a meaningful debate of about 20 minutes, we arrived at a conclusion that for time being we are not going to tell him as it might affect our friendship. Finally it was all set. I and Tanishka are now in a relationship. I am committed now !

The very next day was the usual day as any other. For starter,I had a nice,stomach full of breakfast and was already on the couch for two hours playing game on TV. But as the clock stroked 12 in the noon. Something changed about the day. The hot,vapoury thin air passed by my ears giving a gentle yet burning tickle on my cheeks. The phone rang and I picked it up. Little did I knew that the phone was going to change the lives of The three musketeers.  The phone was from my Father and he informed that only two of us can get admission in the Greham University as the seats were filled by the college itself so they were already getting a lot of recommendations of lots of students. The trustee could only spare 2 seats out of all and that he needed answer by the very evening. I sat down on the couch,numbness spread through my legs. I didn't knew what to do so I called up Tanishka and explained her the situation. We talked for about 30 minutes then and we had already forgotten the topic of the discussion as we already started talking about home furnishing and we were at it for last 20 minutes. I knew calling her was no use. I sat down and was watching TV. Unknowingly I turned to some channel that was playing some South Indian movie but the scene that was being played gave me idea to get rid of the situation .

Since I got into relationship,Aksh's presence had started to bite me in heart. I knew he had soft corner for Tanishka. Also since the exams,those two have become close friends. And I was very jealoused . I couldn't see that or even bear the idea of it. So I had finalised to cut out Aksh's name. This way Tanishka would spend more time with me and my dream of studying in Grehmam University would be complete. One shot,two kills. I called up my father at 4 in afternoon and told him that he should give my and Tanishka's name for the seats. My father questioned about Aksh but I blew it up in air and confused my father. My father didn't got hint of what was I speaking, so he agreed on the decision and hunged up.

I am not an obsessive or possessive boyfriend but I do like to keep my favourite things reserved for me. I don't like other playing with it.  Now that filthy bastard will understand what it feels like when your best friend is being snatched away from you in just a blink of eye. I would love to see the look on his face. I am eagerly waiting for it. He haven't got the news yet. But soon he will get the news because after 2 days the university will declare the list of students who got the admission there. I am eagerly waiting for the day. I am not cunning. But it's just,this feeling is exhuberating. The thought of him not around us gives me peace.