Fears!

chapter 4

(Alarm starts ringing) wake up girls its morning,aunt Agatha it's too early...stop your mumbling and wake up,yes aunty... aunt can I have a friend over ? Sure thing honey. Calls Andrew hey drew so my aunt agreed but don't say anything stupid...okay will be there in a few.

Hi I'm Cathy Misha's cousin, pleasure to meet you I'm  Andrew but everyone calls me drew. Cool welcome by the way. Thanks Cathy...hey what does Cathy stand for. Oh its actually Catherine but only my mom calls me by my full name.

Cathy if you don't mind I'd really love to talk to Misha in private,uhm okay I don't mind I'll just go get some food,okay thanks. Look Misha what happened that day should have never...please Andrew don't ,I know you planned it I'm not stupid!I never said you were girl I ...drew what happened that day was my fault okay I take full responsibility and I'm so sorry because of me the squad drifted further apart and because of me...hush Misha I came here to tell you that I like you  a lot and it doesn't matter anymore cause I've lost the Misha I know and ,and what drew you lost the the Misha you knew? Wait a minute please boy!hold up ,do you know what I'm going through at the moment the sleepless nights I've been having and all because I tried my best to please you ,it wasn't even worth it drew what happened to you ,to us?...Misha let it go okay you've to forget about it I know I'm sounding insensitive but I'm serious you have to stop torturing yourself like this. Excuse you ,forget about it,if you didn't force me to join that stupid sorority...wait wait what!I didn't put a gun to your head you had a choice and now you have to live with it.

Andrew you didn't force me like that but I felt compelled to do it because I love you and I wanted you to know how much you actually mean to me, I joined the cheerleaders to impress you but I was only fooling myself you never noticed me and why would you notice me now I mean you are basketball player I'm sure you date hotter girls oh trust me I know I'm not your type but I just wanted to feel loved not by anyone else but you.The Misha you knew never went away she just grew up and realized the world isn't all glitz and glamour. Misha I care about you and why didn't you tell me,I don't like you for how you look I like you because you are unique. So what does this mean now,I honestly have no idea but it's a mess we both created and I think it's time we fix it but you have a girlfriend Andrew and It wouldn't be fair to her...yeah it wouldn't and I ain't gonna hurt her like that,I guess we stay friends then...yeah yeah.

Kids!lunch is ready...we coming aunt,let's go eat,I know we have a lot to discuss and Misha chill please the sorority won't say anything and you have to learn to control yourself it was an accident but I promise you...you don't understand anything its not only about them ever since I came back here I'm reminded every single day of my mistakes my biggest fears hunt me and there's nothing I can do about it,there's always a solution ...not when you can feel the pressure and pain of the one you fell so deep in love with I blame myself to this I could've done something but I just stood there he cried for my help but I stood there like a frozen chicken I can still smell his perfume no one can understand they all chose to blame me cause there was no one to blame do I have regrets? of course I do I'm asking myself a lot of questions I don't even have answers to and I doubt no one has but me...maybe I'm not so innocent as I claim to be. Hush Misha what happened to Calvin wasn't your fault you couldn't save two people at once..I sold his freedom for mine Andrew.

Will you two hurry up!yes aunty.

The silence at this table is remarkable I'm not complaining though. May we say grace and each and everyone of us will say what they are thankful for because mistakes are what makes us humans... I'll start,before we say grace I'd like to say I'm grateful for my life and family  Marselo you can go next ,alright then I'm thankful for my compassion and money Cathy you can go next ,thank you,I'm thankful for my family and academics Misha go on now ,well I'm thankful for uhm uh I can't be thankful for anything actually I'm happy that's all I can be thankful for I know I put y'all in a lot of stress and disappointments it's not an easy road but I'm willing to change my behavior towards life from now onward. Andrew you .... wait Misha, aunty I...no child we have forgiven you and we know it wasn't your fault. Aunt what If did something way worse  than Calvin...then I'm lost for words Misha you can't go around breaking your promises you are not the only one who lost someone they loved I know your Twin Kisha died because of the unfortunate accident but you have to learn to forgive the people and move on child...aunt I can't do that it's not easy I was born with my sister she was there with me through it all and now I'm on my own you don't understand the difficulty, oh hell no Misha you can't keep on blaming your sister's death it wasn't easy on all of us what you do is your own fault because you are alive and you have a choice grow up! Misha honestly you just looking for someone to blame that's all you ever do when is it going to be your fault Misha starts to cry I cannot do the tears today you are 19 years old Misha it's been a year since Kisha left us and you did a lot in that year ... I'll be in my room if I'm needed excuse me aunty...Cathy come back here leave her she's full of drama ,mom come on we all grieved but she didn't only lose her sister but her best friend it's not easy for her to move on.