Fears!

chapter 10

Warning chapter contains strong language. Happy reading darlings.

"The beginning of the new thing was upon us Misha has to pay for everything although she didn't do anything wrong isn't that how we operate innocent blood always suffer the consequences of the unknown ".

Misha's feelings
Looking back at my past choices I could have done better but instead I always choose where I felt free I felt like a disappointment half the time although I was an A student it felt weird but I couldn't shrug the feeling it was always like that In my family  i obeyed every rule except i wanted to be rebellious even though i did everything in my power to feel loved my family would always find me wrong and i would feel like i was born in the wrong family I know I'm not the only one feeling like this but I can't help myself. Some way I wish I was the one that died and Kisha lived cause she'd be better than I am exhausted and tired of being this way I never asked to be born I don't know why I was even born. Everyone promises they'll be there for me and at the end of the day I'm by myself I don't blame anyone cause I'm a mess on my own I'm not depressed and I'm not suicidal either I just want the pain to stop I want to stop bleeding from the inside my brain is playing with me no one understands they all think I'm acting its ironic cause they all expect me to be perfect I hate it.
End of feelings.

Just take my hand its gonna get better words I'm desperately waiting to hear from Andrew but instead he seduces me entirely I just want him to tell me I'm more that sex I'm good enough I'm okay to live I'm a perfect mess but instead I only get nothing and that's okay no one cares.

Save me a storm,let the rain wash away my pain let it flood to the deepest ends of my heart I don't your condolences I just want to be fine,make me numb to pain I don't endure it no more I am Misha Hamilton I want to be free please help me I'm stuck in a recurring nightmare offer solutions it's not real it can't be real I didn't mean to hurt him but I did cause i carry so much pain in me i wanted it gone instead it gained power on me my whole life is a mess I'm only 19 how did I ruin it so fast? I wish this was a game so I could put an end to this misery I'm living. "Make me numb". She says while screaming. It's not easy or fair can I rely on myself? Its exhausting the whole world expects me to be perfect but I'm not I'm constantly fighting myself.

Utopia a place where everyone Is free and having the time of their life well I'm In aipotu utopia backwards cause nothing is free and I'm having the worst time of my life.

Agatha's POV
On a phone call.
Did you do it?I've had enough of this drama already I don't think she knows she's so close to breaking I need you to push more if you don't she'll go back to normal and we don't want that now do we? I hope I'm clear make sure you push her to the core nothing in this world is as it seems I need that little rascal to endure every pain torture her like you did when she ended in the hospital. *yes madam I'll do exactly that*. As I walked downstairs wearing my pink dress I could tell the atmosphere had changed and it was just the beginning of a new era I hate that girl. Little does she know I'm going to cause her all the misery in the world her nightmare has began oh let heavens lie still hell has been unleashed.

Being in a world where everyone is hating you or pushing you to the limit because you are different or you being punished for your past mistakes is now consider normal because the way we are afraid of change is the same way we are afraid of our own capabilities. It's okay to be different but letting fear control your life is like allowing someone else control how you feel or what you think it doesn't Matter what you do or how you feel people will always find a way to oppress you it's okay to not be okay. Misha's positive subconscious.

"Nothing feels the same anymore everything hurts but I know I'll never be okay so please stop trying to tell to think positive thoughts cause I'm a murderer and that's never gonna change". Misha said to Cathy. "You knew it was wrong Misha why are you always trying so hard to convince everyone that you are a victim when you are so fuckin guilty you did it to him not the other way around it's your fault and that's on you".

"You don't understand I"... cathy interrupts Misha. "OH shut the fuck up you did this to yourself nobody but you".

"You think it's easy huh"?. Misha asks while sobbing. "Bitch save those tears for drama class cause those crocodile shit doesn't work on me, I thought you were not fine but you a psychopath you belong in a mental asylum". Cathy said in a disgusted voice.

"Oh you are one to talk and judge". Misha said standing up realizing she was talking to herself no one was there but her ,her subconscious made her think Cathy was in the room and cathy was saying all of that.

I've gone crazy I'm taking to myself. Misha throws a shoe at the door yelling" I'm sorry " "while crying "it wasn't meant to end like that it's all my fault".

Freedom is not really being free we often question ourselves and let ourselves down because of being afraid hence too afraid to actually own up to our actions that's why In most cases we lie to cover everything cause we get judged for being ourselves. Cathy's subconscious.

A/N
Hey my lovilies happy 2021 it's been a journey...
Thank you guys so much for reading #fears! It means a lot😁😁😁😁😁😁😁🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹😝😝😝😝😝I hope 2021 brings more good news for everyone... have fun reading I'll try to update as often as I can love you all🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰