I Just Loved You (And I Still Do); Taegi/Taekook

❝disappointed❞

Taehyung didn't get to see Yoongi nor Jimin at all in the next few weeks due to the exam period that was rolling over Jeongguk and him, suffocating them with its importance and pressure. He would have loved to go to Yoongi, to lie on his couch or to be bent over any furniture while Yoongi pounded into him. But they didn't have time for that. Even Jeongguk and Taehyung barely had time for anything besides from too long and too hot nights inside their flat, leaned over notes and books and laptop screens. It slowly but surely turned summer and Taehyung had almost forgotten about it. He had spent too much time inside of any people's flats to realize how the green of the leaves became louder and how the temperature increased many times over. He had been too occupied by learning and studying and reading and trying to do everything right.

There were moments when he thought that everything that had connected Yoongi and him was bonded to the season. He thought it's been just all the cute flowers and the chirping of birds. The world showed them its most attractive facet. It was only normal to feel attracted to everyone and everything.

But that wasn't the case. And deep down Taehyung had known it. He had known that his craving for Yoongi - for someone besides his boyfriend - wasn't a temporary thing that would fade with the mild temperatures or the green of trees. Deep down he had known it all along. He's just gotten so good at pretending and lying that he just suppressed it. Replaced it by the thoughts of his studies.

And it actually had worked; the suppressing-and-replacing-thing. For some weeks. Almost a month in which the only life signs of Jimin were his "I'm too busy"s and Yoongi's "I miss your ass"s. Within this month nothing changed and at the same time everything. Because the thing between Yoongi and Taehyung became more real. Realer than it's ever been supposed to be. They weren't supposed to be a thing in the first place but the actual duration of their craving and longing and thinking about each other's touches had made it a thing. And a real thing at that.

Then there was his last exam and Yoongi's messages that were expressing only a third of his craving for Taehyung's small gasps and not so small moans and Taehyung was more than excited when he took the next subway to Yoongi's flat. They didn't talk - they breathed a "hey" and that's it - until they peeled themselves out of their much too unnecessary seeming clothes and kissed and there were too much teeth and too much saliva. It hurt. It hurt just the right way and Taehyung couldn't remember the last time he's been so turned on and in such a desperate need for sex.

Taehyung didn't even know when Jeongguk was supposed to be home. Or whether there were any important appointments today - besides his final exam, of course. But he couldn't bring himself to care. He never had in the presence of Yoongi. He made him forget about the whys or the wrong things they did. Maybe that's why he craved his presence so much. Maybe that's why he liked escaping from everything within Jeongguk's and his shared life and go to Yoongi to forget. Because whenever he was with Jeongguk he felt heavy and so light at once. Heavy because he wanted to give him whys and he never wanted him to know about the wrong things he did - he and Yoongi did - and light because he loved him in such an intense and odd way that he started doubting that he really loved him.

Sometimes he thought, he couldn't love him. How could he do this to Jeongguk and still claiming that he loved him? The thing was, he really did. He loved Jeongguk. And he didn't love Yoongi. He didn't like him in any way like Jeongguk; not even the slightest. But Yoongi gave him something Jeongguk couldn't give him and he also didn't knew what was missing until he met Yoongi. There was something missing within their relationship - within them - and Taehyung just looked for it within others. And he had found it. So where was the harm?

It was a ridiculous question. Taehyung knew that. The harm was within his lies. Within their lies. Within fucking Yoongi and lying about it to everyone. The harm was within the way he misused Jeongguk's trust in him. Everyone's trust in him.