I Just Loved You (And I Still Do); Taegi/Taekook

❝abandonment❞

Taehyung was staring at the hot cocoa in the cup in front of him with furrowed brows.

"Didn't wanna do it on a call", Yoongi murmured and cleared his throat.

How considerate of him, Taehyung thought but he understood. He understood why Yoongi wanted to talk about it in person just as much as he understood why they had to have that talk in the first place.

He understood that Yoongi and he had been connected to one another in an intimate and intense, impulsive, way that he had never felt with anyone else before. It had been intense enough for him to long it despite the love and security Jeongguk had given him. Yoongi knew and he had felt it, too. But there was nothing to feel apart from it.

Yoongi and he did try. They really did try to make it work. Namjoon and Seokjin had distanced themselves from Taehyung and Jimin ended up in a psychiatric ward after a huge fight with Yoongi that Taehyung barely knew anything about because Yoongi didn't like talking about Jimin. Or feelings at all, for that matter. He liked being to himself and he liked Taehyung but he liked him best when his mouth was stuffed with his cock or his face pressed into sheets.

Taehyung knew that and yet both of them had thought it was more than that. They had thought they liked each other more than the intimacy they shared. So they did things that boyfriends would do and they would fight and kiss and go on dates but it never felt complete without that certain edge of Yoongi balls deep inside Taehyung. It was something Taehyung noticed only two weeks after Jeongguk had moved out - he didn't know where he was staying now because no one would talk to him anymore - and he had started spending more time with Yoongi.

Yoongi liked silence and Taehyung had never minded the silence with Jeongguk but he didn't like it with Yoongi. Maybe it was because of what their relationship was based off. Infidelity and lies. One, two broken hearts. More lies. They had never been genuine. Until now.

"I understand", Taehyung said.

He swallowed thickly. It hurt. Because after Jeongguk had left him, he had craved Yoongi more than ever and nothing he ever did was enough to fill him up the way Jeongguk had done it. He had wanted to be with Yoongi and swallow him whole so badly because he hadn't been on his own for longer than he could remember. And now he was telling him that he could no longer occupy the void.

Taehyung knew why. He did. He really did. He had realized it himself, had sighed and cried because what Yoongi gave wasn't enough to make him happy, to make him feel complete. Yet it was all Yoongi was able to give and he hated that it wasn't what he wanted and needed. And it was all Taehyung would ever get again.

It was something that he repeated to himself over and over again when he would lay on his own after Yoongi had left, leaving him open and vulnerable. That was all and the best he would ever get. He hadn't been deserving of Jeongguk so that was what he was left with. It wasn't enough and he hated the way Yoongi could make him feel so unwanted, now that there wasn't Jeongguk anymore to love and cherish him. As though the appreciation Yoongi made Taehyung feel by fucking and holding him afterwards sometimes had only been sufficient because there had still been Jeongguk, always holding him and kissing his forehead, if they fucked or not.

He missed having his forehead kissed and knowing that, in the end, he wouldn't feel cold at night. He wanted it back. So so bad. And because he couldn't have it back, he held onto all that he had left. Even if it meant almost freezing to death and his forehead staying unkissed. Who would he be, what would he do, if that last bit was gone? If he was to be on his own? Who did he have left besides Yoongi?

"It's just weird", Yoongi voiced with a light huff.

Taehyung didn't have to glance up to know that he wasn't looking at him. It hurt. Knowing that Yoongi could ruin his life and still not look him in the eye. Whereas Taehyung didn't have the strength to do it either.