MOCKINGJAY: REIMAGINED

CHAPTER FOUR - A NEW REBEL

After my quiet trip to District 8 ended up with me shooting down Capitol bombers I remained locked safely underground for the rest of my pregnancy. Apparently they got enough footage to use for the time being and just showing the rebels that I was alive after the games was enough for now. The Mockingjay lives. Luckily under all the protective gear I was wearing my bump wasn't even noticeable and the Capitol remains unaware of the continuation of my pregnancy.

I'm mostly left alone, I'm sure if I wasn't growing another human I would be given some kind of job to earn my keep here in 13 but, since I'm technically employed as the Mockingjay, we all just have to wait until I can resume my duties. I sit with Finnick in the hospital most days. He's much better now but seems to prefer it here instead of in his own compartment and for some reason they let him stay. Maybe he's worse at night, I know I am.

One day, as we sit silently side by side, Finnick tying and untying his rope, the television springs into action. The Capitol anthem plays and Peeta and Caeser appear on the screen again. He looks worse. So much worse. "What are they doing to him?" I choke out. Caesar coaxes answers out of him that speak against the rebels. His eyes flit in and out of focus, much like Finnick but so much worse. Even his voice is different, there's a hint of fear behind every word that didn't used to be there. I clutch my stomach, that is now swollen beyond doubt, as if holding onto the piece of Peeta inside of me will bring him back.

Nobody but Finnick talks to me about the interview. I guess they're all hoping I didn't see it, but I did. The image of him so utterly broken is burned into my brain and I replay it on a loop in my mind.

The day she is born I try to think of anything but his face but it's impossible when I finally meet her and her eyes undoubtedly belong to him. There's a steady stream of visitors every day, apparently I'm not the only one who can't get enough of her. My mother and Prim look at her like she's a piece of heaven on earth and spend their visits whispering to her about all the things they'll teach her as she grows. Finnick shows her his knots, its odd but there's not much else for him to give and that way I get to learn some of them too. She adopts Haymitch's nickname that was originally for me as he greets her with "Hello, sweetheart" before holding up one of her tiny fists so they can fist bump, apparently it's an old greeting sort of like a handshake but less formal. My prep team flutter around her, admiring from afar so as not to get any kind of mess on their clothes but turn up every few days with a handful of clothes they've made out of whatever materials they can get their hands on. It feels excessive being from the districts but according to them she doesn't have nearly enough outfits. Gale comes to visit too, he holds her as if she is a china pot that may break at any moment. She seems to feel safe in his arms meaning they are the location of most of her naps. The comfort she finds in him seems to dull the pain in my heart that she cannot know the safety of her father embrace.

All of the fear I felt from the moment I felt her inside of me seems to have melted away. It has been replaced by new fears of what her life will look like but, I am no longer afraid of her arrival. Of her existence. During one of Prim's visits, as she gazes lovingly into the crib, she whispers to me "I knew you'd admit it to yourself once she was here" I just frown slightly urging her to explain, "That you love her as much as you love me. Maybe even more." She chuckles. And she's right. I always thought the love I had for Prim was reserved just for her but somehow its grown, spreading out to make room for a whole new person who will hold a place in my heart until my dying day.

On the day we are both deemed fit to return to our compartment, with my metal wristband finally removed, the nurse asks, "Name?" and I look at her bewildered as if I haven't had all these months to prepare. "I need it for our records."

I reach my hand into my pocket and find the smooth surface of Peeta's last gift to me, "Pearl."