To-get-her Again

Chapter 5: Loved

Napakinggan ko na lamang ang mahinang pagbuntong-hininga ni Theo sa likod ko.

I stayed in my position, away from him. I let my tears fell from my cheeks. Why do I feel heavy after getting mad at him? Above all, why do I feel guilty for lashing out?

"Umalis ka na. You're not the Theo I used to love. Hindi ka na sana bumalik. Hindi na rin naman kita mahal."

I walked into my bedroom. As I hear Theo closed the door and left my condo, I realized that I haven't fully forgotten everything yet. I'm still mad at him. I haven't still accepted that we're further apart now.

How I wish I can forget that easy. It's hard when you do have questions that haven't been answered yet. But I can clearly conclude everything from the start, my love for him was shallow and immature. It's right that he left, we're not for each other.

***

"I have good news for you, Yana," my mother said in the other line.

I remained silent, waiting for her to talk again. I'm not in the mood to be happy like her. I'm still affected by what happened earlier.

"It's Sunday night. So, your Dad has no work tonight. Would you mind joining us for dinner? The Salazar's will be joining us. Didn't you miss Theo?"

I grew anxious all of a sudden. Is that good news? I don't think so. It will only make everything worse. It will only bring up the past that I must forget.

"Mommy, I'm sorry. I've work to settle for tomorrow po kasi," palusot ko.

I curled my hair with my finger as I bit my lower lip. I don't want to join them for dinner when I know Theo will be there.

"Oh, Cheska texted me. Theo won't be joining. Busy rin sa work. Meet your Tita and Tito na lang. Please, Yana? Miss ka na rin namin ng Daddy mo."

I exhaled a sigh. They better be sure that Theo isn't there. I can't ask them not to invite that man. After all, they weren't there when he left me.

I ended the call after I told Mommy that I'll be there. Hindi rin ako nagtagal sa kwarto at lumabas na rin ako ng building.

I hailed a taxi and told the driver where our village is in Rizal. I gripped my clutch bag as I looked at the lighting outside the car.

Am I ready to talk to Theo's parents? I know our dinner won't be finished without them talking about their son. And my Mom, she'll surely gossip how I wanted to see Theo again five years ago. I don't know if I wanted to hear all of that when I'm supposed to be forgetting it.

An hour had passed when I saw myself closing the taxi's door after paying for the fare. I stared at my home and closed my eyes to refresh my mind.

"I can do this."

I walked inside our house and I was immediately surprised when Tita and Tito were here already.

"Oh, my goodness! Ito na ba si Yana? You're so ladylike and absolutely gorgeous!" Tita Cheska exaggeratingly greeted.

We both kissed each other's cheeks, including Tito Yale. I kissed Mom's cheek after and hugged Daddy.

They're all happy to see me. I'm the only one who's nervous to death. Thank goodness! He's not here. Makahihinga na ako nang maluwag.

"Theo! Greet Yana! She has grown a lot na like you!"

My feet got frozen when I found Theo walking out of the comfort room. I closed my eyes in irritation. I wanted to cry again. Why am I so stupid? I shouldn't have gone here.

Theo walked closer and looked at me seriously.

"It's been a long time since we all met, Cheska. We missed you, especially Yana...she's been waiting for this day to come," my Mom interrupted.

I licked my lips and took my eyes off from Theo. My heart was beating so fast.

"I'm also grateful that Yana's in good condition."

"You have no idea how grateful we are. Come on, let's talk this out in the dining."

Hindi na kami napansin nina Mommy nang tumalikod sila sa amin ni Theo. Nanatili ako sa tayo ko bago ako humarap sa lalaking nasa tabi ko.

I watched his Dad patted his shoulder before walking along with my parents and Tita. I gulped and crossed my arms.

"I hope you're not against me having dinner with your family," Theo began.

I stared at him curiously. How can he talk casually with me? May nakalilimutan ba siya sa nangyari noon? Is he that insensitive that he can't tell how I loathe him?

"Alam kong nagalit ka ng dahil sa akin kanina. But I've no choice but to come along."

I scoffed and forced a laugh. I covered my mouth for a second before taking it off. I glanced at my parents and Theo's parents who were at the dining.

"I understand. I totally understand. Makapal talaga ang mukha mo para magpakita pa sa akin. Tama ba?"

I watched his jaw clenched. He put his hands on his jeans pocket and sighed. He stared at my eyes before sighing again.

"I want to apologize for every-"

"You don't have to apologize," I cut him off.

I stepped closer, inches apart from him. I could hear his breathing. But I wasn't moved by it.

"Mas lalo ko lang naiintindihan na hindi mo talaga ako minahal noon. Kaya nagawa mo akong iwanan. Tama ba?" I barked before smirking and leaving him stunned at the sala.

Nang makarating ako sa dining ay nagsisimula na sila sa pinag-uusapan about sa disorder ko noon. I do want to walk out. Ayaw ko na ring mapakinggan pa nang paulit-ulit ang katotohanan.

I swallowed my pride and sat down beside Mom.

"I actually hated John the first time I heard about what will happen to Yana on her attacks. Sino ang magulang ang may kayang panoorin lang ng ganoon amg nararamdaman niya sa tuwing kailangan siyang atakihin," I heard her say.

I wanted to puke. I'm hearing that pathetic story again. The truth about the story of how the attacks were being triggered by heart melting or heartbreaking moments. How pathetic is that?

Five years ago, I thought that having that sleep disorder was a blessing in disguise. That I have found my purpose. The true meaning of living. But it only slapped me in the face. That disorder ruined my life.

I let myself stared at Theo for a second. Every time I look at him, I remembered how my parents used him to triggered my attacks, so I could survive and make it disappeared inside me.

"No offense. Ilan ang naging attacks ni Yana noon bago nawala ang disorder niya?" Tito asked.

I covered my mouth and stood up. They all looked at me. I excused myself and turned my back on them. I can't fathom everything that's happening right now.

"John's grandmother had a total of a hundred. In Yana's case, she had more than that."

I puked.