The Dominant

XXI

"You're fucking drifting away again Zyraj! What the fuck is wrong with you? Just last week you promised that we're going to have atleast one date night per week! Why the fuck are you so busy? You're literally not working at all, all you do is take care of the kids who has their own nanny! You don't even have much of a responsibility."

I screamed out of frustrations because Zyraj spiraled back into her cycle. She does this all the time. We'll fight about her being present with the kids but absent with me and then we'll reconcile and she would promise that she would be better with me but the she fucking does this. It's just a fucking cycle.

I felt a stung on my face and I realized that she slapped me across the face.

"How dare you even invalidate me? All you do is work Ej, you don't know how to raise a child and take care of the family."

How am I even invalidating her? She literally does NOTHING.

"Yes and you don't even know how to provide for this fucking family Zyraj. We each got an end to pull. I'm not complaining I'm tired am I? I only want a time with you Zyraj a little time with you."

I sound ridiculous and desperate at the same time, you can't blame me for having a little fun for myself when your fucking wife is like this.

What's so hard with raising children? They have nannies she can tell what to do. We have maids a lot of maids in the house. We even have security guards and personal chef. She has nothing to do. Fuck. She doesn't even work. She just stays at home pity herself for becoming a mother.

This is fucking ridiculous. 

-

Zyraj Monique Castañeda-Vaughan

He stormed off the room. Like he always does when he's angry.

Masisisi nyo ba ko? As much as I want to go on dates with him. I just don't feel like it.

I recently got my implant taken out and I haven't told Ej about it because I want to surprise him with another child, I know he wants another child.

That's one of the reason why I'm being so distant, the implant balances my hormones at the same time and after years of having it nasanay na siguro yung katawan ko sa implant kaya nung pinatanggal ko yun masyado na kong emotional at madaling mapagod.

Gusto ko naman lumabas kasama siya kaso ayaw ko namang madisappoint siya dahil hindi ako emotionally available. I'm trying to adjust naman din since it's been three months since I've gotten the implant taken out of my body.

But the issue has been going on since forever. Palagi niya sinasabi na wala na akong oras at puro sa mga bata na lang, madami naman daw kaming katulong at kada bata naman ay may sariling yaya. Pilit ko namang pinapaintindi sa kanya na hindi sapat ang yaya ng mga bata dahil kailangan nila ng magulang. 

Hindi niya maintindihan na hindi lang yaman ang mahalaga sa mundo kundi aruga ng magulang sa isang anak. Anong gusto niyang gawin ko pabayaan ko na lang ang mga bata sa mga nagaalaga sa kanila para gabi gabing makipagtalik sa kanya?

Hindi na kami bata. Hindi na kami bente anyos na walang responsibilidad sa mundo. Hindi niya maiintindihan ang pinupunto ko dahil puro na lang siya negosyo. Oo paminsan sa isang taon lumalabas kaming buong pamilya pero sa loob ng isang taon, halos isang buwan lang namin siya nakakasama.

Labing dalawang buwan ang meron sa loob ng isang taon pero ang kaya niya lang ibigay sa amin ay isang buwan? Aahin namin ang yaman mo Ej.

Oo kumportableng makakapamuhay ang mga anak namin pero kailangan nila ng ama. Hindi niya maintindihan ang mga sentimyento ko dahil sarado ang utak niya. Dahil puro kalibugan lang ang alam niya. Putangina.

Pasensya na sa lenggwahe ko siguro'y nahawa na ako sa pagmumura ni Ej. Alam niyo namang hindi ako nagmumura pero sumusobra na siya.

Hinilamos ko sa aking mukha ang aking palad at bumuntong hininga...

Siguro maling ideya na magsilang ng isa pang sanggol para maging maayos ang relasyon namin.

Naisip ko sa aking sarili habang naghihintay ng resulta ng pregnancy test.

Hindi ko sinabi kay Ej na wala na akong implant noong nagbakasyon kami.