The Dominant

XXX

After Zyraj was discharged at the hospital, we went home so that she could pack the kids' stuff. I know the boys would get confuse because we usually visit grama and pops during the summer. 

The car ride was awkward, I haven't said a word. I'm not even defending myself our justifying what I did. I have no energy to argue and I know that Zyraj too.

I'm going to be a father again huh? That kind of sinked in my mind. There's a lot of things to process, everything happened so fast that I can't even comprehend what's happening. One minute Zyraj found out about Elaine and the next minute I found out that Zyraj is pregnant with our fifth child.

"I'm going to fix our marriage Zyraj but you have to help me." 

I said out of nowhere. She's currently at Yosra's bedroom folding clothes that she'll bring to her parent's house. She stopped folding clothes then looked at me straight in the eye.

"Do whatever you want."

As she continued doing what she's doing, I felt that I need the urge to say something.

"I love you Zyraj, I know you're not going to believe it because of what I did. But I was tempted. I shouldn't have done it in the first place. I should have thought about you and our kids but I was selfish, I felt like you neglected me, I wanted to be with someone so bad as a punishment for you neglecting me. I'm completely aware of the damage I've done and I promise I will make it up to you. You just have to give me another chance. I appreciate you for being as calm as possible with handling the situation... I appreciate that you chose to stay. And I know I have a lot of damage to fix but allow me to fix all of it."

-

It's been a whole week since my wife and the kids left the house. It felt empty. It's sad not seeing them everyday but I'm giving Zyraj the space she needed just so she could breathe. I want to be easy on her.

Everyday I send her flowers with my personal note to assure her that everything would be alright and I'm very sorry for what I did.

I told her that if she's okay with my idea. We should visit a marriage counselor because we need a mediator, I know that it's nice to have someone that would be the bridge to mend our relationship and she agreed. I've set an appointment and we would be having our first session this friday.

A professional help would be what we both need. I know we can get past this.

We just needed a little time apart from each other, after all time heals wounds.

Being away with my family made me realize how much they meant for me, I understand Zyraj's sentiment that she doesn't want to have a broken family and so am I. We both had a rough childhood and a fucked up relationship with our parents, so I'm going to do everything I can just to keep our marriage.

-

"So tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

Doctor Deniel asked, we looked at each other as if we're asking who should speak first... I decide to tell him everything---on my side of the story of course, he asks few questions every now and then to clarify what I said or to further explained why I did what I did. Zyraj seems to be listening to every word we say. After I told him my story, he asked Zyraj to tell her side. I noticed that she's wearing a fit dress and I could see her little bump across the room.

I felt excited because I know there's going to be another edition to the family.

Over the last week Zyraj has been a little civil with me, we can now talk without her talking about how I cheated on her. Everytime she says something like that all I could say was just...

Sorry...

I know she's probably sick of hearing that word, I know she's hurting and I can't imagine the pain she's going through. I admire her for being a strong woman. I admire her for being selfless.