'Soka - Ahsoka x Reader

Chapter 59- I Miss Her

You stood on the balcony of the Wren Clan stronghold as you stared at the white wilderness in front of you. In your hand, was the Jedi holocron that used to belong to Ahsoka. After her death, you always kept it close to you.

You hadn't opened it since before the mission to Malachor and you were quite curious as to what would be inside. So you placed it on the ground and used the force to open it.

The small cube rose into the air and split apart as a hologram appeared, but it wasn't of Obi-Wan, or Anakin, it was your 'Soka.
"(Y/n)," she said. "If you're watching this, then that means that I was killed on Malachor."
"'Soka," you said softly.

"I had a feeling that Vader— Anakin would come, and I didn't tell you, so I made this recording," Ahsoka continued. "Please don't feel guilty for what happened, it was my choice."

You sat down on the balcony and watched her with sorrow. You could feel the tears in your eyes.

"Please look after Rex for me, tell him I say hello," she said. "And (y/n)... I love you more than words can describe."
"I love you too 'Soka," you whispered as you cried.

"Goodbye (y/n)," Ahsoka said as the hologram began to fade.
"Wait!" You said, but the hologram had already faded. "I'm sorry 'Soka, I'm so sorry."

The tears were pouring out of you now as you hugged yourself, watching the holocron float back to the floor and return to its cubed shape.

You had no idea how long you were sitting there, but it must've been long because later on, Ursa came walking out and saw you on the ground, still hugging yourself as you stared at the holocron with tear stained cheeks.

"What happened?" She asked.
"Nothing," you said quickly getting up and grabbing the holocron off the floor. "I'm fine."
You wiped the tears off of your face and turned away from Ursa, leaning against the balcony railing as you looked at the frozen lake where Ursa killed Gar Saxon, not too long ago.

"I know you're not fine," she said as she stood next to you. "Sabine told me about Commander Tano. I'm very sorry (y/n)."
"That was almost a year ago, I'm fine," you said, but truly you were trying to make yourself believe that, not Ursa.

"You can't lie to me," Ursa said.
"Fine, I'll tell you what you want to hear," you said, finally looking at her. "I miss her, okay? And I spend every freaking hour of every freaking day kicking myself because I didn't, I couldn't save her. Every day, I feel a piece of me get ripped out, because she's not by my side! That's where she has to be! Next to me!"

You stopped and took a deep breath as you looked down and shook your head sadly.
"She was all I had," you said. "And now she's gone!"
You yelled the last part and your words echoed in the distance.

Ursa put a hand on your shoulder and looked at you sadly.
"Everything will be okay," she told you.
"No, it won't," you said moving away from her hand. "Everyone keeps telling me that and I just want them to stop! It's not going to be okay! It's feels like when my father shot me, but it hurts more, I can't deal with the pain"
"I wish I could tell you that I understand, but the truth is, I don't," Ursa said. "I don't know how it feels to lose the person you love, but know, that I'm here, supporting you."

You looked at her again, your eyes red and gave her a pained smile.
"Thank you Ursa," you said. "I think I'm just going to go to my quarters."
"Take your time (y/n)," Ursa smiled as you went back inside the stronghold.

While you were walking through the halls, you passed Sabine who stopped you.
"Hey (y/n), can you help me with some lightsaber techniques?" She asked.
"Uh, not now Sabine," you said looking down so she couldn't see your red eyes.
"Please, it won't take long," Sabine begged.
"I said not now!" You snapped. You didn't mean to snap at Sabine, but your day was already crappy and you just wanted to go back to your room and sleep it off.