You stood there still in shock and full of anger as you could hear the lightsabers clashing from inside. You had lost the last good thing in your life. This time, you had the dark feeling in your gut that told you, Ahsoka wasn't coming back.
"(Y/n)!" Kanan yelled grabbing your arm. "Let's go!"
"No!" You yelled. "I can't leave her!"
"You have to (y/n)," Kanan said.He dragged you into the ship as you fought as hard as you could, but you were worn out from all the fighting and yelling at the wall. Once you were inside the ship, the hatch closed and Chopped flew it away from the planet's surface as the temple overloaded. You looked away and grimaced as the Sith Temple exploded. Everything was gone, everything that you fought for was lost on Malachor.
You sat down across from Ezra who was crying in Kanan's embrace. You took off your helmet and set it on the bench next to you. Your eyes were bright red and tear stains lined your cheeks as you headed home.
"There's nothing we can do now," Kanan said quietly to Ezra. "It's over."
Kanan pulled Ezra into a hug as you brought your knees to your chest. You buried your face in them and cried. You couldn't stop the tears from falling, it felt like that night when Ahsoka broke up with you when you were still a Jedi. This was worse though, back then, you could still feel Ahsoka's presence even if it was dim, but now, you felt nothing, the bond between you and her was broken.Now there was nothing. Nothing to stop the dreams, the memories. All the flashbacks began to travel through your brain. Different people, familiar people flashed in front of you. Your mother, your father, Knot, heck even Fives and Jesse, but the last person who flashed before you was the worst of all.
It was her, the girl you'd loved since you were fifteen. The perfect, and only being in the galaxy you'd ever love.
I love you.
Her words repeated itself in your brain over and over again.
"No," you mumbled.
Bye kid.
It was him, one of your best friends. The phrases kept on repeating, more being added every minute longer.
(Y/n), I'm proud of you.
Your father's words from the temple vision began to repeat as well.
"Stop!" You yelled and the voices stopped abruptly.Ezra and Kanan were looking at you concerned.
"(Y/n)," Kanan asked calmly. "Are you okay?"
You looked at him and felt the boiling anger rise up in you again.
"Do you think I'm okay?" You asked standing up shakily. "She's gone! Ahsoka is gone! And it's all my fault."
You turned away from Kanan and put your hands against the roof of the Phantom to keep you upright in your state.
"Ahsoka knew the consequences," Kanan said. "She fought bravely."
"And then I was too late to save her," you muttered.
"It wasn't your fault," Ezra said.You turned around and everything snapped.
"No Ezra Bridger, this is your fault," you said. "If you didn't have us stay and help Maul, she'd still be here!"
Ezra was silent.
"I didn't kn—" he started.
"No," you cut him off. "You didn't listen to me when I told you to stay away from him."
"I thought that maybe he changed!" Ezra said.
"People like him don't change!" You snapped. "Maul will always be the Sith Lord who caused the fall of Mandalore, he will always be the thing that killed my dad! So no Ezra Bridger, this wasn't my fault, it was yours!""(Y/n) stop!" Kanan yelled getting between you and Ezra.
Ezra looked down and began to cry again.
"(Y/n), you need to calm down," Kanan said.
"Says who?" You growled.
"Says me," Kanan said. "Your eyes are turning yellow, so calm down."You gave a huff of anger and grabbed your helmet from the bench. You put it on and sat back down, arms crossed. Someone wouldn't need to be a Jedi to see how angry you were. The ship stayed silent for the rest of the trip.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the Phantom landed on Atollon you waited for Ezra and Kanan to step out of the ship before you did. Towards the end of the trip, Ezra helped Kanan out a white medical bandage over his eyes. Hera ran up to Kanan and looked at him with sadness.
The rest of the Ghost crew stood there too when they understood what happened and why Ahsoka wasn't with you. Even Rafi Keeto, your partner from a mission gave you a sad look, his new girlfriend holding his hand. But only one person in the gathering crowd mattered to you.
Rex.
He stood there and looked at you. Removing your helmet, you gave him a sad look which he immediately reciprocated when he understood that his Commander, wouldn't be coming home. You approached him and he hugged you. All that you could feel was sadness and despair.
"Come on," he said quietly, leading you away from the crowd.Soon you and him were sitting on two crates, watching as the sky got darker.
"I'm sorry Rex," you said. "I promised to keep her safe, and I failed."
"I don't blame you (y/n)," Rex said. "And I know."
"Know what?" You looked up at him confused.
"I know you have to go," he said.
"How did you?" You asked shocked.
"Come on kid, I've known you since before you became a real Commander," Rex said. "And I'm not going to stop you."
"Thank you Rex," you said standing up.
"Want me to help you grab your stuff?" He asked.
"Why not," you shrugged.You and Rex walked to your quarters and you stared at the two dents in the bed. One came from you, and the other belonged to Ahsoka.
"I see the second bed in here is still collecting dust," Rex noted.
"Yeah yeah," you said.
You packed up all of your stuff, including something that belonged to Ahsoka, her Jedi holocron. You never got one, but Ahsoka always shared so it didn't matter.You finished packing and looked around at your empty quarters.
"Forgetting something?" Rex asked holding up a familiar helmet.
"Knot's helmet!" You said taking it from him. "Did you hold on to it the whole time just so you could say 'forgetting something'?"
"Maybe," Rex said cheekily.
You shook your head and shouldered your bag,Knot's helmet was under your arm and you were wearing your Mandalorian helmet.
"Time to go," you said sadly.
"What should I tell the others?" Rex asked. "Or don't you want to say goodbye to them?"
"You know I can't do that," you said. "They won't let me leave."
"Then what should I tell them?" Rex asked.
"Tell them that I had to think stuff over, and don't tell them where I am," you said.
"I don't even know where you're going," Rex said. "Where are you going?"You took a deep breath.
"Tatooine," you said. "It's where Anakin was from, I figured it's a good place to think things over, it's pretty under the radar."
"Then I'll see you around kid," Rex said.
"Yeah, lets go to my ship," you said. "That way nobody can stop me until it's too late."You and Rex walked to where your ship was, next to the other ships, but yours was different, it was a Mandalorian fighter, Fenn Rau gave it to you as a gift after you begged him for half a month. You jumped in as Rex watched you.
"Don't do anything stupid until I get back," you said to him.
"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you," Rex gave you a small smile. "You are coming back, right?"
"Eventually," you said. "In the meantime, here."
You pulled out a comm set from your bag.
"What's this?" Rex asked taking it.
"It has the same frequency as mine," you said tapping your comm. "It's for you, but it's just for emergencies."
"Thanks kid," Rex smiled. "We'll see each other again."
"Yeah," you said.You and Rex bumped your forearms together before you started up your ship.
"See you soon, Commander," Rex smiled.
"Hey, Rex," you said before you closed the hatch of the fighter.
"Yeah kid?" Rex asked.
"If you need me, just give me a call, and I'll be there."
YOU ARE READING
'Soka - Ahsoka x Reader
FanfictionYou are Obi-Wan Kenobi's padawan during the middle of the clone wars. After a battle that almost costs you your life, everything changes. Gender neutral reader! All rights go to Lucasfilm and Star Wars. I own nothing but the story. PG-13 (some profa...