Feeling.

Friends

"You see, Noppanut, I woke up feeling pretty sick today. Honestly, just very nauseated. My stomach is killing me. So maybe, I don't know, I can switch with Saint and ride the desk instead?"

Boun looks at Win for a long moment, and then nods. "That would probably be for the best, huh? I'll put Saint with Bright for the day. You get to the desk."

"Thank you sir," he manages, a hand hovering over his sick stomach.

"There's ginger ale in the fridge, by the way," he calls as Win makes his way to the desk. Win smiles back at him and books it out of parade before he can run into Bright.

And you see, this isn't like him at all. He talks his problems out. He does not run and hide. But for some reason, he knows he can't face this. Just looking at Bright's face makes him lose all ability to think rationally. And he needs to be thinking rationally when he's has this conversation.

When Bright left his house on his birthday, he still hadn't had a chance to talk to him. Bright ducked out after Rachel and Nara sang to him without much of a goodbye. Not that he can really blame him.

Never in his life had Win ever wished he could be someone else more than he did now. Why is he this broken boy who can't trust anyone? Why is he so terrified, and god, is he terrified. And not the typical, oh, i'm nervous Bright doesn't love me like I love him kind of terrified, but in this way that makes his heart race and his nerves move at lightening speed and god, he feels like lhe can't even breathe. His stomach hurts and his head hurts and his heart hurts, if that's possible, because Bright is great, and patient, and caring, and he does not deserve Bright, he knows this.

Bright meets Win's eyes on his way out of the station with Saint in tow and he shakes his head at him, because Bright knows-he obviously knows-that he's a coward. Win's pathetic. He's told Win before that he's loving and brave, but Bright must know now that he was wrong.

And as much as this hurts Win (and it really, really hurts), he still feels like he's doing the right thing. He shouldn't have led Bright on, and he should've had more self control, yes. But he can't let this go any further, because he will fuck it up. Maybe it seems like he's being overly harsh now, but it's nothing in comparison to what will happen if he lets Bright all the way in. He will run, he will intentionally create a barrier, he will hurt Bright more than he already has. And that's the last thing he wants.

Gun plops down in the chair beside Win and beams. "I thought you were assigned to Bright today," he says.

Win shrugs. "I switched with Saint."

Gun scoffs. "Since when does Boun let us switch?"

Win presses his lips together. He considers lying, but Gun is one of the only people he feels comfortable with, and he needs to talk to someone. Normally, he'd go to Rachel with something like this but there's sort of a conflict of interest, so.

"I slept with Bright," he blurts out in a hushed tone.

Gun's jaw drops predictably, and it takes him a minute but eventually he breaks into a grin. "What? When? Why? How was it?"

Win laughs even though the whole thing isn't really funny at all.

"That night of the dart competition," he mutters. "I showed him my new home and I just… kissed him. He was just looking at my books and I was thinking how great he was and how… good he looked and I just… kissed him."

"That's not like you," Gun says.

"Tell me about it. And then the next morning… I sort of brushed it off-"