When Harry met Z

Freddie Mercury

"Freddie who?", asked Z, his eyebrows plunging into a frown, "Freddie Mercury?"

Yes. Freddie Mercury. We knew all of his songs by heart, he was amazing. I brought Freddie Mercury up today to Z and he said: "I don't want to be like Freddie Mercury. I don't want to live my life estranged from my family, ostracised by society, die young..".

-But, Freddy Mercury, he paved the way for people like you and I. So you and I could shine and love, and be healthy, and create beautiful songs...

-Shut up, Z said. Shut the F up. Do you know why I left the band? Because I was losing myself there, I had no control of my life. If there is anything I won't do in this life is let others decide for me. I don't care what other people decide. I am me. I am myself.

We were seating in my living room. Z had agreed to meet. As usual he looked sharp.

Don't get me wrong, most of the time I am not like this. I have friends, I have my band. I do stuff without thinking about Z. I am obsessed, but not crazy. But, rumours were that Z and Gi were having problems. I wanted to have a few words with Z now that a space had opened up in his life.

I invited him to my house. He was having tea, he loved Indian tea. He was warm as usual, like he is always with me. He smiled when seeing me. But, guarded, always guarded. 

I had watched a film on Freddy Mercury, and thought so much about him. But he wasn't buying it.  

- Who in this world has the right to tell me that being gay is better? Is it really, Harry? It is better than living in harmony with your family, your people, your culture? Really? "Being free" is overrated, it's so indulgent. To me, only one thing is important: I am the only one that will decide what to do with my life. It's up to me, and only me.

I had seen so many sides of Z. The stubborn side, the lazy side, the clingy, vulnerable side. The protective side. I know he loves me, yes he does. He just does not see us as a lifestyle -no pun intended. 

In so many ways, I wanted to be his style, his life-style, I wanted be part of his life, in the open, and in the dark, and in all ways possible. I didn't care.

He was dating one of the most gorgeous girls in the world. Gosh. How he managed? How did he get Gi? She, the one of a kind top-model? 

- How did you get her? 

- We share many things. We come from he same culture. She is strong-minded, she is not only pretty, she is determined. I like that. 

- How on earth you found her? Are you guys still together?

- Harry, please don't ask me about her.

- Is she like your other relationships? Are you going to dump her sooner or later?

-With her is different. This time is different. 

He had a way of telling me things. As if his mind was walled, no one could access it. When he made up his mind, there was no way around it, the only thing you could do is accept whatever he wanted and play along.

-Are you going to marry her?

I suddenly remembered Freddy Mercury initially lived with Mary Austin. A woman he referred to as his only true friend. They broke up once Freddy started dating men, but their relationship as friends stayed intact. Maybe Gi is a Mary? Maybe Z will stay with Gi for a while, until he realises that he can't live without me, his true love?

-What are you thinking, Styles?

-Nothing

-Come'on.

-I am thinking that life might bring us many surprises. Sometimes I think that you will come back to my shore. I think you will.