When Harry met Z

Shhhh. His name is...

-Here, this is a photo of him.

I handed Barbara a photo, I had a few saved on my computer. This is him. So cool, f-ing cool. These were the colours that best fit him. That raw old leather with the turquoise guitar and the red cushion. Perfect. 

-Oh my. Oh my. He IS cute. I see what you mean. Are you guys in contact?

I suddenly remembered he was coming to LA! Gosh, he said tomorrow, landing tomorrow. 

- Yes, in fact he is arriving to LA tomorrow, forgot from where, probably New York. We had a fight on the phone a few days ago. 

-Oh, sorry to hear that. Why?

- He is dating a model. Ugh, maybe I shouldn't tell you this, I am not sure whether it's completely out in the public. Media is saying they broke up, but, they are still together. She is like, one of the top of the tops right now. You see? Why I worry?

- If he is dating a girl, he made a choice. Why don't you let him be?

I remembered the last time we met. It was warm, and the way he was with me, perhaps due to the tension of hiding away, he was super passionate. He held my hand the whole time.

-Well, you know, he is with this girl....but...he is still with me. He calls me all the time. I have tried to forget him. I realised if I don't try to make a HUGE move, we might never know what he really wants. 

-Does she know? 

- Women know. She certainly knows. She is not stupid.

I remembered the time when Gi and I ran into each other at an award ceremony, she hugged everyone in the band except me. I liked that she had the same taste as I, meant she has good taste. But, am sure in some level she knew my relationship with Z was not simple.

- So, you want to expose him? Is that what you want to do, and use me to do that? 

She looked at me, this time really serious, pushed her glasses up to her nose, and said:

- Hey buddy,  Harry, can I call you Harry? I am not going to help you to do that. That's not what a good journalist does! Call a tabloid, call some entertainment news, I don't know. If I do such story, as a result your friend, Z, and his girlfriend break up, you get what you wanted, but maybe his life changes in an unwanted way. I can't do that...you shouldn't either. Too selfish. 

She continued: 

-I can hear you all you want (kind of, I am usually busy). But, to do that, it's not responsible.

My head fell in my shoulders. I felt falling again. Drowning finally. It was late, maybe 11pm, or midnight? We talked for hours, and I had HUGE hopes that this might be THE THING that will break the ice FOREVER. Why now she is backing down?

- Why are you backing down?

- I never agreed. You said I could hear and decide later.

-Okay, Barbara. How about if you meet him and talk to him as well?

-What? Why? How is that going to change things?

-So you get his consent. He will also be here, he will know, it will not be a surprise. You see what I mean?

-Buddy. I doubt he will. I am older, and maybe more experienced. I don't think that someone who fears for his life, who wants his life to be "normal" would accept such "coming out of the closet" story.

-Barbara, this is where you don't get me. It's not "coming out of the closet"! WE don't care! I don't even think I am gay! People put labels, put you in a box, as if then you are this or that. Even pan-sexual and all that b-shit. How about if it's just a human feeling, you admire someone, you are attracted by the person he is, regardless of their gender. That's what happened with him! I am not an LGBT suffering in silence. I have met gorgeous men, and they don't matter. Women as well, not that there aren't interesting women. But...this time, he is the first person I ever loved. We deserve to have a chance, without any judgment, any labels. Don't put us in boxes!

- Okay, I hear you. Let's do this. It's late now, I have to get home. 

-I can drive you, where you heading?

-No, I call an Uber. So, tomorrow, I'll call you at around noon, and we discuss a bit more. It will give me time to think on what to do. I am serious, I promise. 

-Fair enough.

-Now, don't sink in that vino...

(To be continued....xoxo)