When Harry met Z

You want to send that letter to the press?

"You rlly want to send that letter to the press?" 

I woke up to that message from Z.

I was still lying in bed, we were not in the same timezones. My thoughts had been racing lately, obsessed with the same thing. I feared losing him, so much, I knew I  needed to do something drastic before he disappeared or did anything crazy (like getting married, having a baby, I have said this over and over, I know, I sound like a walking broken record).

The idea of writing to the press had been on my mind for some time. He was against it, but I showed him the draft (I read it to him on the phone, actually), and told him to think about it. 

I knew it was going to stir some anger and fear. He feared going public, he didn't like the media . I know I should respect his boundaries; but is there any other way of ending this calvary? I wanted us to be in the open, whatever we wanted to be, lovers, partners, soulmates, whatever, not hiding anymore, not lying, not feeling guilty or remorseful for something that only gave us happiness. 

I started to dial his number, needed to talk to Z before my next meeting with some studio people in half an hour. He answered:

- Hey Haz.

-Hey, what's going on, you okay?

-No, I am not okay. How can you be so selfish, I am not the only one involved here. 

-Calm down, it's just a draft, haven't sent the letter to anyone. Not yet. 

I laughed quietly. 

-Yeah, laugh about it.

I did laugh, the thought of going public made me enormously happy.

-So, tell me. What should I do. Drown myself in my music? 

-Yes, that's a good idea.

-Okay, you are talking to someone who is already buried under a sea of songs I have written about you.

-Haz, we can't go public. Gi and I, it's serious. If you go public, she will be devastated. She already suspects.

-What? You told Gi?

-No, I didn't tell her. She is a woman, they know this stuff. They sense it. She knows there is someone that I have loved for a long time...

-Loved? Thank you. I am in past tense now.

- Haz. Stop it. She knows. She asked me about you one day, and we talked for a long time. I made her sign an NDA. I never admitted to anything. But she is ....

-What? (I was furious that she is sharing our secrets!)

-She is so tough. She told me she will be patient and wait until I fall in love with her the same way I was in love with that other person. She knows all the people I have met. She is in our same circle, she knows the rumours. 

-Okay. 

I wanted to cry. This time the obstacle wasn't the media, wasn't the band, the managers. This time there was a woman, and he worried about hurting her more than hurting me. One part of me, the part that is selfish, wanted to do something. Leak the letter to the press? No one could blame me. My shrink said I had built a protection, a shield, and that protection wasn't allowing me to live a normal life, and that led me to becoming obsessed. Obsessed or not, so many years have gone by, I had met the most gorgeous men and women, the most talented and charming people in the world, and yet, I was still smitten by Z.

- Haz? Are you okay?

-Bye Z, I have work to do.

I wanted to end this painful conversation. As usual, it wasn't leading anywhere. We shouldn't talk. When we talked like this it lead nowhere. I loved when we were together, when we let things flow between us. We didn't need to talk, we just needed to be together.

-Can I see you? Am coming to LA next week.

-You are not going to the farm? (I wanted to add "to see that farm girl". Gi had a farm somewhere near New York where she spent time with her family.)

-Bye Harry.

He hung up on me. Our intercontinental conversations always ended abruptly, and they were never easy. I didn't like to speak to him on the phone that much, he was always...curt? We were more real when we were face to face. I remembered some years ago, when we played on stage, when we got lost in our own world, forgetting about everyone else. Surrounded by thousands of people, yet we only had eyes for each other. That's what I missed the most from the time together in the band. We had unlimited space to play around, to sing, to be mischievous on stage, to sing songs to each other without anyone noticing. I loved when after some performances we stayed talking until late. Now, those days were gone. 

I had met a few days ago with Stevie Nicks. She was in LA for a few days, we had become quite close, I loved her, she was so wise, she carried in her something from another era, an era of freedom and rebellion. We sat around with a few bottles of wine one night (she was always awake at night, like an owl), and I told her about my sorrows. We mainly talked about music, but, she, a witch at heart, was intuitive and realised my heart was broken. I think I cried, I kind of remember she hugged me, and started singing this song. She said: Harry, handsome Harry. My poor Harry. Here is a song for you:   "Girl Crush"

I got a girl crush
Hate to admit it but
I got a heart rush
Ain't slowing down
I got it real bad
Want everything she has
That smile and that midnight laugh
She's giving you nowI want to taste her lips
Yeah, 'cause they taste like you
I want to drown myself
In a bottle of her perfume
I want her long blonde hair
I want her magic touch
Yeah, 'cause maybe then
You'd want me just as much
I got a girl crush
I got a girl crushI don't get no sleep
I don't get no peace
Thinking about her
Under your bed sheets
The way that she's whispering
The way that she's pulling you in
Lord knows I've tried,
I can't get her off my mindI want to taste her lips
Yeah, 'cause they taste like you
I want to drown myself
In a bottle of her perfume
I want her long blonde hair
I want her magic touch
Yeah, 'cause maybe then
You'd want me just as much
I got a girl crush
I got a girl crush
Hate to admit it but
I got a heart rush
It ain't slowing down

In today's meeting am going to see if we can get the rights for the song, and try to record it.

**********************************************

(to be continued, let me know your thoughts...)