Higher love

Your soul knows the way

When we got there, I thanked Mr. Tim and climbed out the car , then i saw Nessa and her friends staring  at us. I knew it seemed too awkward ,but felt that they thought that there's something between us . I stopped for a while then I walked and Josh came next to me after ending his conversation with his dad . He asked me if i was doing good because i had fever last night , i was surprised because I thought about it when i threw up

" What ?! I'm fine , good . What about you ?"
  he answered laughing " i'm okay " . We were getting close to Nessa and her friends, Josh jumped in front of me , stopped me and said " Red looks good on you " he smiled I couldn't avoid looking at his smile and those shiny eyes I didn't knew what to say I decided to thank him

      - " Than..."
      - " hey Josh !" Nessa cut me calling josh . He turned .
     - " Yoo Nessa ! " he replied while looking at her excited.
Oh no ! She hugged Him. I was shocked. The smile he draw on my face faded immediately , yes i'm officially jealous, I walked away as fast as i could I didn't even say bye . I was angry, when i entered  the class , i took my seat and  tried as much as I could to control the anger inside me. Either the class was  weird or I wasn't feeling  good . I've been very upset and mad at me because I've changed from a mood to another because of him. I took out my copybook and my pencil case from my backpack. I honestly wasn't ready to talk to anybody or to have any kind of conversations . The teacher called me and that was one of the things I've wished for from the beginning of the class;

    - " Mrs. Stalling." He demanded quietly but I ignored him . He called again but I didn't answer .

    - " Sarah Stalling!!" He called with a higher voice.

    -" WHAT  IS WRONG ?! WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE !! I DIDNT ANSWER FOR A REASON SO STOP CALLING ME " I screamed and beat the the table standing alone . I couldn't control my anger so got in troubles with my teacher and honestly i've never talked to anyone like that .  The whole  classroom became quiet more than ever and everyone kept staring at me .

    - "LEAVE NOW ! AND WAIT FOR ME IN THE OFFICE !" He told me .

I felt ashamed , i looked one last time at Josh then I left and kept waiting for the teacher. I thought that I overreacted but how could Josh and Nessa be the reason. I have never been angry that much i felt dizzy for some seconds. And here he came.

     -" what's wrong with you today Mrs Stalling ?!" He asked politely.

    -" i messed up and I'm sorry ! Can i leave please ?!" i was rude, i apologize again.

    -" Okay ! But i'll tell your parents about it !" . My head was a mess I didn't talk to anyone i just left . I went to the stadium of the school , it was empty, i sat down thinking about what i've done put my head between my elbows and  started shedding tears i didn't know why, my eyes were a waterfall. Until the bell rang, it's lunch time, cool. I grabbed my backpack and went to the canteen .

       The canteen was crowded  like usual I entered looking down to avoid any eye contact , i sat on a table in the corner and put my earphones to leave this suck life . I played * higher love * by James Vincent McMorrow I couldn't control my tears , they started going down . Yes , sometimes you just want to leave and let everything behind because you see the world against you . Tears are just expressions of our broken pieces that words cannot tell and weakness could make them out .

      I was eating my lunch but not like everyone, my food lost its taste because of my mood . Sam entered to the canteen saw me sitting alone , took his meal , and came sat right next to me . I tried to hide and clean my wipe my tears by my hands before he could see me because I truly wasn't ready to tell him or to talk to him about it. He seemed so excited and happy I couldn't screw his mood , I caught my feelings . It worked and he didn't notice that i was crying . he started telling me the reason behind his happiness while i was in a war with my feelings . My head started hurting me i thought it was because i didnt sleep last night and cried so much. Suddenly Sam stopped talking I guess he noticed I wasn't listening , he took my earphones out of my ears .

      - " Sarah ! What's wrong with you? You are not okay since the new guy came to our school and  you're acting in a weird way. " he said and I looked at him quietly without telling him anything " Tell me what's happening and don't say *nothing* I know you well ".

I've been so confused between telling him or not . I know he is my best friend and I should tell him everything but this time i didn't know if i should because I either didn't know what was happening to me. I mean we all get in things that we were avoiding.