Higher love

A Mind Full Of Unsaid Things

     I left the school building and walked away from it. I passed by a garden next to the school I couldn't ignore that amazing view. I took out my earphones and closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
    The garden was very empty and the silence was killing the place. I honestly loved it even though I wasn't excited to appreciate it . the sky was blue but a little cloudy, the trees' shadows were hiding some spots from the green grass, some plants were flowering and butterflies were flying around it. I thought I could at least appreciate the silence and loneliness in there. I sat down on the grass and took back my headphones and played a song called *Roslyn* by Bon Iver. At that moment, all I wanted is to clear my mind from that mess . I lean into the grass and kept looking deeply to the sky , not everyone feels empty, not everyone feels the weight of their tears and not everyone feels death when they are broken. But I did , I lived that pain from 2 years ago and I don't know why I'm feeling it again now and here .

Tears were down on my cheeks , I was drowning in my thoughts then I felt someone sitting down next to me. I. Didn't turn to see who it was, I saw just her or his white Nike air shoes, i wasn't even interested to know who was she or he .

- "I won't tell you to stop crying , and I won't tell you that crying can't help you but I'm sure talking to someone will make a big difference between sitting alone in an empty garden suffering and having someone by your side who can help you get over it" I became sure after hearing the male's voice .

I sat , I folded my legs and put my head on my knees and rounded my arms on it .

- "what if the person that actually can help me doesn't care ?" I said disgruntled .

- " when people don't know how you feel about them, they try to pretend not caring . all you need is to show them how much they are worth for you ." I kept listening. I was impressed by whoever has said that , I couldn't keep looking down and ignore those words . I was very curious so I raised my head and looked .

No way ! I can't say how much I've been shocked when I knew it was Josh . I cleaned my tears too fast .

- " Josh !! what are you doing here ?!!! Are you following me ?!" I asked with a spiteful voice .

- "Y..yes ,I did. you were acting strangely since I met Nessa. The way you acted at the History class . Crying in the canteen. My mind got distracted! when I wanted to talk to you. You left, but I discovered that you weren't going to the classroom neither and ... I worried." I didn't know what to tell him. I didn't even know why he cares.

-"I was behind you all the time until you arrived here then you sat here listening to music and crying . I didn't know what to do. Should I comfort you and tell you to stop crying? Should I hug you without saying anything? I know we don't know each other a lot but you're a good friend to me that means I should be the same to you" I'm a good friend... Friend.. Friend.. he was joking right? Am i just a friend to him? I looked at him wishing to find the right words to express my anger. I just wanted to slap him or to strike on him and to not stop hitting him .
Shit! I have never been this angry before. it can't be all about him or about Nessa ! I should not react like this. I couldn't control my anger , I tightened my fist , I could feel the anger filled my eyes . he held my tightened hand , my mood absolutely has changed .

"It hurts me to see you like this Sarah , please tell me what can i do to help you . Tell me if you need something ".

  I looked at his eyes and couldn't stand how much caring he was , and his voice showed that he cared about me . i couldn't stop myself from not hugging him , I encircled my arms around him so tight and started crying even worse than earlier . he hugged me back and started touching my hair while i was about to feel relieved. I've never felt safe between someone's arms but he made me feel safe from my thoughts and feelings . I hugged him and cried for minutes until i dozed off.