Consider it a Welcome

Chapter 10: That's it, I'm stealing the car

"Working at the school isn't all that bad you know...once you stop being late and get on top of things" Phil said, taking his eyes off of the episode of The Good Place on tv. Despite Dan's wishes to just sit and watch Eleanor and Chidi fall in love over and over, he had chosen to structure his weeks lessons instead. "You know Shakespeare is horrendously heavy to subject year sevens to" Phil noted pointing at his plan for Thursday. "What?" Dan shot his head up. His eyes were heavy and you could see stress swimming in them. Surrounding his body lay sheets and sheets of syllabus and notes strewn about which Phil had wrinkled his nose at but decided to allow. "No no no fuck shit no" Dan cried grappling for the year 7 course to his right under piles of stapled paper. "Oh fuck where is it" he sighed, now scrabbling below his feet too when he could only produce the year 9 and 12 courses. Year 11 and 10 were set, he was teaching them roughly the same things as they learnt it in year 10 to recap in 11 so those papers sat neatly on the kitchen table where Phil had removed them away from Dan's soggy satchel oozing water everywhere. "I'm unsure how, 'is that a dagger I see before me' is appropriate for eleven year olds" Phil chuckled, dodging another stack of paper that flew past his head. "Oh fuck it I can't do this" dan sighed, collapsing his head into his hands as paper settled around him.

His mind began to race, the anxiety taking its usual critical form of pointing out his flaws. Phil was talking, he thought, but he couldn't hear him for the drumming of his heart in his ears and the repetition of the phrase "you are nothing, just quit" in his mind. His palms were beginning to slick as his fingers dug into his scalp, pressing down on his head and willing the pressure to stop. His palms were pressed into his eye sockets, blocking any light, catching tears falling from his eyes onto his pale skin. Underneath Phil's clothes his skin was burning, heating up with fear and stress and panic, the heat crawled over his flesh and up his neck to his face where his lip was quivering. He began to gulp air in as tears fell quicker, the panic setting in more and more with each line of "You're worthless" and "you're nothing", he felt it suffocating him further and further until he was sobbing and gasping for breath. "I can't even make a fucking lesson plan" he tried to say but nothing came out except exasperated breaths.

"Dan, Dan. Dan!" Phil said softly, he had clambered off the sofa and embedded himself in the paper mass as the man in front of him began to destroy himself. He could hear the raspy breath of a panic attack brewing which is when he became more urgent to step in. Gently he wrapped his long fingers round his wrists and pulled them away from his face, forcing him to open bleary eyes. "Dan. It's ok" Phil said quietly, still holding his hands in place so he couldn't put them back in position. "It's not ok, I'm a failure. It's my first fucking day and I'm crying in front of a teacher I just met" he managed to gulp out slowly between breaths. "Ok ok just breath" Phil said calmly and slowly, returning to his seat beside dan, hesitantly placing and arm round both shoulders until he felt the boy lean into him. "It's going to be ok. You're not a failure. It's your first day. You cannot make that judgement until at least a year in, I was such a wreck when I started. I had no friends and no plan it was a miracle they didn't fire me on the spot!" He said with a smile, rubbing a small circle on Dan's back. As he talked he heard the mans breath slow so he continued to ramble. "I mean you've got me and Bea we'll help you! And there's probably someone nice in English too. Not as good as us though because science is superior. And and you know it will be alright you'll get the hang of it and-" he mumbled, not noticing dan was looking at him.

Dan watched the man talk and talk, evidently trying to help but was too flustered to say anything eloquent. It was cute, Dan thought, and didn't scold himself. Phil was something different, that was very clear. The way his eyes sparkled and the affection he gave, how trusting he'd been to Dan to let him into his own home and drive his car, how he wasn't afraid to be openly vulnerable and completely himself to someone he'd just met. It warmed dan somehow that he was being so nice, that it was genuine and not an attempt to get something out of him. Phil actually cared, cared about someone he'd just met like they'd been friends their whole life. Phil cared about dan. Which he wasn't used too, but he knew he weirdly cared right back. "Phil" he said quietly after Phil stammered onto where to go with his speech. As soon as the word fell from his lips Phil whipped his attention to the other man and shut up. Dan looked him up and down, then to the mess he'd made all over the floor. "Fuck I'm sorry about your floor" he laughed with a deep breath. He began to pick up the syllabuses into neater piles to his right but Phil stopped him. "Just leave it, we'll do it after dinner" he said gently, placing a hand on Dan's to stop him, racing blood to the others head once again. "We'll?" Dan managed to say. "Well I'm not letting you do this alone am I? Or my year 7's will be threatening to stab flame Susan and my plants before I get a word in!" He laughed, elbowing dan in the side. "God could you imagine" he smiled, properly, before leaning back into the sofa, catching his long legs up in place of the stacks of paper. "Yes...yes I can" Phil sighed, also relaxing. "Good Place?" He asked, clicking the remote. "Good Place" Dan smiled.

They sat like that for a while, mindlessly watching episodes before switching over to watching friends as it was more light hearted. They were watching Ross burn his hands up with food when the door bell rang. "I'll get it" Phil said, attempting to stand up. As he did so Dan felt something hit his neck. "Ow" he moaned, grasping behind him when he hit something solid. "Phil is that your arm" he asked. "...yes" Phil said slowly, removing his arm carefully. "Did you make a move on me?" Dan whipped around to the quiffed man but he had disappeared. "The fuck?" Dan asked out loud, Phil was no where to be seen. The door bell rang again, twice. "Phil are you getting that" he called. No reply. Still confused dan sauntered to the door, pulling his wallet out his bag to pay. He figured it was the least he could do. Curling his fingers round the door handle he swung the door open to see a familiar face. "Pj? You're a pizza man?" He couldn't help but laugh to see the teacher stood with a cap crushing his curly hair. "Dan? Uh. Yeah it pays the bits of bill school can't quite cover...quite embarrassing. Especially when you deliver to students" he smiled, handing over two pizzas. Dan plucked two notes out his wallet and handed them over which pj rejected, "Dr Lester already paid don't worry" he winked. "Oh alright then, I'll see you at school tomorrow. I've got some decoration ideas that will whip your ass" he cocked a smile as pj waved goodbye. "Oh dan?" He called as the door closed. "Hm?" He replied. "Nice to see Phil has a boyfriend. I was getting worried. See ya" he grinned, shutting the door for dan.

"Nice to see Phil has a boyfriend" the words echoed in his ears as the door shut. For the second time that evening his jaw dropped as he stood flabbergasted. "That's it" he said, whipping around, "I'm stealing the car".