Consider it a Welcome

Chapter 12: Baby it's cold outside

"Really" Dan sighed, looking at the man with a mixture of disgust and amusement, a smirk playing on his lips. "I have to go away" he replied after a while, pulling from Phil's grip to the door. "But baby it's cold outside" he smiled, holding a hand out to pull dan back in. "This evening has been-" dan began, edging backwards begrudgingly. "I just got pizza in" Phil sang tunefully. "- so very nice" Dan practically giggled out. "Do I really have to say it twiceee?" He pleaded, guiding dan back through the door. Loosening his resistance he let Phil pull him into the apartment, back to the oddly comforting smell of popcorn, the episode of friends on tv and the warmth compared to the wet streets outside. Back to Phil. Back to his pretty black hair and flirty nature, rambling words and kind heart. Dan's apparent 'boyfriend'. And once again, with that thought, the cosy atmosphere was shattered. "Sorry phil I should go. Have a nice evening, thanks for being so kind to me today" Dan sighed, successfully stepping out the door into the hallway with a curt wave before descending the stairs as if the entire closeness of the evening hadn't happened. Guilt sitting heavy in stomach and eyes glued to the front door, not looking back, he walked. The only sound he could hear was the jingling of car keys in his pocket, that was the only sound he chose to hear, instead of the soft close of the door.

"But baby...it's lonely inside".

Ten minutes passed. Ten minutes he'd been sat in the driver seat of Phil's car, running his hand over the scratched leather interior and watching the light from Phil's apartment absentmindedly. In his fingers he played with the keychains on the keys, smiling at every reference he understood. Ten minutes had passed, rain was still dashing down on the windscreen with no mercy yet he sat in the car unable to will himself to drive away. Guilt was still sitting heavy in his stomach, like he'd eaten too much, but he couldn't understand why. Phil was really a nobody, a teacher at his school he would've had no intention or likelihood of crossing paths without Bea. Much less in life. Yet in a matter of hours he'd shared more questionably intimate experiences, bonding moments and vulnerability than he had in his life. The exhilaration he felt when Phil flirted with him was what he missed out on in his teenage years, when he was too numb to feel or think about himself or who he was. To Dan this seemed ridiculous, something out of a story. A dreamy man who flirts his way into dans heart, he's attractive and funny and they hit off right away, inevitably leading to the happy ending with many cliches along the way. Dan wasn't sure he wanted that, or more so to let himself be fooled into believing that that was what was happening. Phil just seemed too right, too kind and too affectionate for this to be real. He didn't want to think about the consequences of running back up to that apartment and seeing where this weird friendship ended up because he was too cynical that it wasn't real, Phil was playing him a romantic fool and would hurt him. Just like everyone else. He didn't want to believe it because believing in it meant vulnerability, it meant trust. Those were things dan was really really bad at. He knew that. But this did seem too fairytale.

Thinking all this over he stared at the streaky night sky, constellations now blurs of light dying millions of miles away instead of just dots. The rain poured down over the car, rocking it gently like a cradle as the outside world turned cold and dan merely watched. In the industrial building adjacent, apartment lights were flickering off one by one. As time wore on only Phil's remained lit up, he could barely see the man's shadow in the window behind the curtains. All he could see was the tips of his quiff still sat slumped over in front of the TV. There was that guilt again. For a moment his fingers twitched next to the ignition to start the car. He debated slotting it in and driving away from his problems for now but he couldn't. If he left now Phil would be left on a cliffhanger tomorrow, instantly it would be weird between them if it wasn't already. Dan couldn't have that, he didn't care about the lesson plans or the pizza really even though they were bonuses of returning back to the flat. What he did care about was having a friend to help him through this because evidently he couldn't do it alone. Once again he considered how this would end up, the situation of returning to the apartment playing out in various scenarios in his mind, none positive, in a matter of seconds. But for once, for once, he ignored his cynicism, hand clasping round the car door handle and swinging it open. Because Phil Lester had something a romcom hero didn't, he was genuine, real and quite frankly, an idiot.

"Well done phil" he wasn't afraid to say out loud. Dan had just left, keys in hand making pathetic excuses to get away. Phil couldn't blame him, this happened with every single guy. Initially he thought it was the flat, his cooking, how he looked. But no, it was just his personality. Clearly. He was too flirty and forward, it was weird. It had freaked dan out too much and now he'd disappeared. Clicking the door back into place he collapsed again on the sofa, still leaving space for where dan had been sat but it felt empty now. Once again the entire apartment felt empty which was novel for so much a cramped space. "Why am I so alone Norman?" He questioned the blue Betta fish swimming in his tank on a table nearby. He cocked his head up for a second to glance at the fish only for it to swim away and hide. "Great Even my fish hates me" he sighed, head hitting the sofa once again. He'd been alone for too long now, 'painfully single' as Bea put it when she wasn't trying to cheer him up. Dan had been sweet, a little messy but it wasn't like Phil couldn't relate. He was ocd in little ways, couldn't cook, had an apartment all to himself and talked to his pets like they were human. Not to mention yelling at the tv and reciting nearly every line in perfect tone. But he'd fucked up, been too forward and now dan was gone. Their paths were unlikely to naturally cross in school, luckily he supposed, which made it less awkward. But Phil wanted to see dan again, be his friend. It was impossible to ignore their dynamic, it was so natural and reminiscent like they'd been friends for ten years and counting. Still finishing each other's sentences, wearing each other's clothes and complimenting eachothers weird Christmas sing alongs. Phil wasn't ready to let that walk away, he promised himself he wouldn't let it but only until he realised that was exactly what he'd done. Let dan walk straight out that door, with his car keys no less! "Fuck it" Phil Said after a while of Mustering up courage. His plan was not intelligent but at least it was romantic, he would simply run down to the road and attempt to follow the car until Dan stopped. He couldn't have got that far right? Not particularly thinking it through further Phil found himself pulling his shoes on and reaching for the door. Whatever was happening between him and dan so far was not something he was letting go easy, whether it was designed to be friendship or more. Grasping the handle with a firm hand he turned the knob, swinging the door open to step out when he stopped...

"Baby" Dan smirked, leaning up against the door frame, keys twizzling impressively circular on his index finger, "it's cold outside".