On the edge of everything

Part 5

The following two weeks pass by quickly and stressfully. Each day, I enter the building to see crosses, each holding an image of one of the seven victims, placed in the front hall. I pass those crosses several times a day, each time sinking my mood and clouding my sight with tears, though none tend to escape down my cheeks. My days are spent rushing from class-to-class, eating at some point between the AP Calc prep, history paper-writing and rehearsal. Every interaction seems to go by in a blur, except for rehearsal which tends to drag on forever. Though I understood the time commitment I was agreeing to upon accepting the role, I wasn't prepared to stay at school until seven the first night of rehearsal. I have begun to adapt, however, though sleep and social interactions have taken a hit.

One day, Margot asks me if I want to have lunch with her. I agree, and text Elena and Samantha to tell them I won't be at Mr. Carter's room that day. I realize, as I send this on Thursday morning, that I haven't eaten with them once this week. I send another note that I will definitely be there tomorrow, which Samantha happily responds to. Elena says nothing.

As I enter the building, I see the crosses then quickly avert my eyes, not wanting to feel that sadness all over again. I walk towards senior hall and my locker, hoping to talk with Elena and Samantha before the bell rings, but they are nowhere to be found. After placing my lunch and raincoat in my locker, I glance down the hall. I see Loise and Rose sitting against the lockers near the theater board and I make my way towards them.

"Hey, guys," I say as I stand in front of them. "Mind if I sit?"

Loise rolls her eyes. "Mila, you know that you can sit here whenever you want!" she exclaims. "I always want to see more of you." I smile shyly at the very outward affection Loise always bestows upon her friends. Freshman year, I was even more shy than I am now. I was so hesitant to be the first to speak in class, the first to raise my hand, the first to offer a hug or a smile. Loise is one of the reasons, along with Samantha and Elena, that I have changed.

Loise had English with Rose and I freshman year, though I didn't know Rose very well at the time. Loise and I sat together towards the front of the room beside the windows. The first day of class, I was sitting there alone as everyone piled into the room and Loise came up to me with a wide, cheerful smile on my face and she asked if she could sit beside me. I nodded, speechless, and she just started talking. She complimented my outfit and said my braids were really nice and pointed out the sunny weather before I could even say thanks. Within a couple of weeks, she would greet me with a hug in the hall and once even kissed me on the cheek. I was not used to this type of outward, physical affection from my friends; her energy and openness helped me open up. She helped me begin to slowly leave my shell.

There is an odd moment of silence. I glance over at Rose who is slightly smiling, then decide that I should start the conversation. "So, when is everyone called today?"

Rose responds first, saying, "I think that we are working on my death scene today." She giggles and I do so in response.

"Oh yeah! Are we staging or singing? Do you know?"

"I think we are staging for a while then vocals."

"Gotcha. That'll be fun."

"Yeah. When are you hear 'til?"

"I think 8."

"Wanna get some food before?"

"Yeah, that'd be perfect!" I'm smiling so wide, looking straight at Rose that for just a moment, I forget about Loise. Thankfully, Rose remembers our friend quickly.