A Little In Love

chapter 1

Trigger warning for chapter 1: thoughts of suicide, a little bit of self harm, talk of previous abuse

As I was standing on the edge crying knowing all my pain would be over if I just jumped I hear "Stop! Wait! Please don't!" I then feel arms wrap around my torso and pull me away from the edge of the cliff. "What the fuck are you doing?" I say while trying to get out of her grip. "Please stop let me help you!"  She says as she tightens her grip. I relax feeling the pressure and warmth of her arms. I shyly ask "what's your name and why did you stop me?" Her reply is soft and loving "Hannah and I stopped you because I want to help you and I've been in your position before." I weakly nod not feeling this safe in years. She says "may I please take you back to my place and get you a bath and some food you are super skinny." I nod and hold on to her tight not wanting to let the feeling of safety and comfort escape me. "Come on let's go." She says but I just whimper. "Do I need to carry you?" she asks as I nod.

We get to her house and I anxiously follow her. "Would it be okay if I use the bathroom?" I timidly say. "Of course just let me get you some clean clothes they will be big but it's better than nothing." I feel something warm brush against my leg and I look down to see a cat. I bend down and it nuzzles my hand lovingly. "I'm ba... Oh I see you've met Roxy she's very sweet and loves cuddling." She happily says. I nod. "Where is the bathroom?" I whisper barley loud enough for her to hear. "Down the hall to the right. There is shampoo, soap, and towels on the shelf next to the shower." "Thank you." I murmur before starting to walk away. "Wait is spaghetti ok for dinner?" She asks her voice full of love. "Whatever you want to make." I reply with a shaky voice.

I walk in the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I take my clothes off and look in the mirror ashamed of my body and all my scars. Some cuts are still healing from the last time I cut. Some are old but visible from my parents abusing me. I pull a wallet out of my jeans and carefully pull out a blade. I look at the old dried blood on the blade and slowly bring it to my thigh making another cut. I then get in the shower and let the water run over my body burning the fresh cut. My body tingles knowing I'm in control when I cut. I wash my hair and my body then dry off being carful not to get blood on the towel. I see that she's given me a tank top and shorts so I decide to put my jeans and flannel back on so she can't see my scars.

I walk out to the kitchen to see spaghetti and bread on the table and my stomach turns at the sight as I run back to the bathroom and throw up. Hannah runs in following me saying "what's wrong!" "Nothing." I reply I just haven't ate in a while.