Live and Breathe Words ~ Wessa

Part 11- Spiraling into Darkness

“‘I feel myself diminished, parts of me spiraling away into the darkness, that which is good and honest and true—If you hold it away from yourself long enough, do you lose it entirely? If no one cares for you at all, do you even really exist?”

Tessa knew there was something wrong the moment she walked into the library the next day, the double doors swinging shut behind her. There were only a handful of casual readers sprawled across beanbags and chairs, but there was a palpable tension in the air, the calm before a storm. She stiffened, internally bracing herself as a bad premonition settled in the pit of her stomach. 

She made her way over to her desk, immersing herself in her work immediately. After a few minutes, the air became charged and the room tensed. Tessa looked up to find Will storming towards her, a frown twisting the corners of his lips. Dark bags were smudged under his eyes, and there was a lifelessness to his expression, a dead look in his eyes, that set Tessa on edge. 

“Do you know where the hell the Windex is?” he demanded, his frown deepening as Tessa gaped up at him. 

“Will, are you okay?” she murmured softly, the concern never leaving her eyes. 

He brushed her off, not meeting her gaze. “I’m fine. Goddamn Dorice, I swear to the Angel she hid all the cleaning supplies from me,” he bristled, speaking more to himself than her. He promptly stalked away, leaving an incredulous Tessa behind. 

What the hell?

Will’s mood only worsened as the hours ticked by. The library took a little longer to clear out than usual, but when it did, Will appeared only long enough to make a snappish remark about needing his space before isolating himself in the back of the library. Tessa found herself frowning, her eyebrows creasing together, but she left him to his brooding in favor of a fantasy book. 

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The next day passed similarly, with Will’s temper growing increasingly unpredictable and irritable. After the library emptied, Tessa decided to confront him about it. 

“Will, you know you can talk to me anytime, right? What’s been bothering you?” She gently rested her hand on his shoulder and he lifted his head, looking up from the floor to meet her eyes. 

For a moment, Tessa thought she saw something lost and confused in his expression, something vulnerable and a little broken. She blinked, but was sure she imagined it, for now his gaze had hardened into an unreadable, stony mask, his words icy and biting as he spoke. 

“Just go read a goddamn book Tess and leave me alone.”

He roughly shoved her hand away and turned to stalk out of the library without another word—even though their shift wasn’t over yet—the doors rattling shut as he slammed them behind. Tessa was too stunned to do anything but stand there, her mind fumbling. A silent tear slipped down her cheek as she stared absently after Will—although he was long gone—and she didn’t bother to wipe it away. 

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Tessa strode into the library the next day, determined to knock some sense into Will, or at least know the reasons behind his—to put it delicately—bitchy behavior. With her tears from last night dried, her confusion and heartache had quickly turned into something fiery and angry. Her eyes were nearly blazing as she searched for Will in the library, scanning for a familiar head of tousled midnight hair. Her phone buzzed, startling her, and she hastily read the incoming text message, Will’s name lighting up her screen. 

I’m running late today, be there in twenty. Sorry 

Tessa was practically seething at this point, but she couldn’t ignore the nervousness that twisted her insides. 

Although she was still fuming, a small part of her mind whispered to her that maybe she had previously gotten her hopes up for nothing. Maybe he didn’t really like her and their date had only confirmed it. 

Rage boiled up inside her the longer she thought about it though. How dare he brush her off so rudely and abruptly after leading her on? The situation didn’t add up and seem to make sense, and the change in Will’s behavior was so sudden. After all, he had been the one to kiss her—both times. 

She tensed as the library doors creaked open, a dark-haired man entering, but her heart sunk when she realized it wasn’t Will. She ran her fingers through her hair and began to rub her temples, the beginnings of a headache forming. It just didn’t make sense. Even if it was something personal that he didn’t want to talk to her about, or he was simply having a bad day, they were friends at least, and there was no reason for him to treat her like that. Ugh, guys were so dumb. 

She glanced quickly at the clock, a frown forming on her face as the time stared back at her. It was nearly eight o’clock and Will still hadn’t arrived, even though their shift had begun nearly two hours ago. She checked the messages on her phone—nothing. Time continued to sluggishly pass by, the soft ticking of the clock nearly driving Tessa insane with its constant reminder of the silence and emptiness of the room. 

She retreated into a book, trying to lose herself in another world, but her thoughts wouldn’t leave her alone, and she was still too upset and enraged to concentrate properly. She sighed, leaning back in her chair and closing her eyes as if to block out the world. Her head pulsed and throbbed still, but she ended up floating off into a light, dreamless sleep, curled up in her desk chair. 

When the sharp buzzing of her alarm shocked her back to reality, her eyes hastily scanning the library, she couldn’t help the feeling of disappointment, the sinking of her heart. 

Will never showed.