Live and Breathe Words ~ Wessa

Part 12- A Sense of Hopelessness

“A sense of hopelessness had invaded his bones, as chill and as inescapable as the rain.”

That night, Tessa’s emotions were a raging mess—a chaotic combination of anger, of heart-wrenching sadness, of confusion, of hopelessness. She hated herself for letting Will Herondale have such an effect on her, and though she tried to block him out of her mind, it was as futile as trying to prevent her emotions from drowning her. 

So when she slipped into the library the next day for their shift, there was a defeated slump to her shoulders, an air of dejectedness surrounding her like a bubble. Tessa was seldom this disheartened, and she didn’t even bother to plaster a fake smile onto her face. 

Even though thinking of her kiss with Will made her light-headed and sent her heart fluttering, it didn’t matter because she would give anything for them to just be friends again. To just have him in her life, a source of light and joy for her, as he had been before. 

Tessa had retreated so far into her thoughts that she didn’t even notice Will until he was standing before her, only her desk separating them. 

He looked tired, and not only in the physical sense; he looked weighed down by the world, as if he was carrying an incredible burden on his soul. The dark circles under his eyes looked like bruises, his usually bright blue eyes dull and haunted. All the anger and raging emotions she felt towards him fell away at once; he looked awful, and even that was an understatement.

An image of Will as she had first seen him, during their chance encounter in the library, seized her mind, and her heart grew heavy as she thought of the charismatic boy who was overflowing with life and love, the boy of wild grins and carefree laughs. She didn’t know what had happened, what had brought on this change, but she so fiercely wished she could help him. 

Her mind snapped back to reality as she realized they had been staring at each other, the silence between them tense and strained. Will at last spoke. 

“I need to talk to you Tess,” she looked at him expectantly, and he clarified, “alone.”

“Look Will, I have work to do right now. Can it wait a little bit?” Her voice was steady and calm, much to her surprise, and Will gave a soft nod, turning and walking away towards the back of the library. She heaved out a long sigh, slumping farther down in her chair. Seeing the look in his eyes, she wanted to run after him, hug him and tell him everything was going to be alright, because there was something very clearly wrong. 

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The library doors clicked shut behind the last person leaving, and Tessa drew a shaky breath as Will emerged from behind a bookshelf. His footsteps echoed loudly, the sound bouncing off the walls, and Tessa felt a lump rise in her throat, an awful feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. She stood up from her chair and walked around, sitting on top of her desk as he finally reached her, their gazes locking. He suddenly cleared his throat. 

“Whatever this is,” he gestured between them, “I—I can’t do it anymore,”

He stuck his hand in his pocket, fishing out a set of keys and placing them on the counter next to her—she realized a heartbeat later that they were the keys to the library and the storage room in the back. It hit her, finally, what he was doing, what was happening. 

“Will—”

He cut her off by gently cupping her cheek, his touch sending flames licking her skin. His eyes were wide, and despite the bloodshot red tint to them, they were surprisingly clear and blue, although she couldn’t fail to miss the troubled look in them. 

“I’m really sorry Tess. Please believe me,” his eyes pleaded with her and his voice caught in his throat, “I’m really going to miss you.”

He gave her a weak smile, leaning down to press a kiss to her cheek. Her mind was moving at an impossibly sluggish pace, fumbling to make sense. He couldn’t be quitting his job—he couldn’t be leaving her, leaving all that they had together behind, just like that, without explaining. No, it wasn’t possible, he wouldn’t do that to her—

“Bye Tess. Take care.” 

He began to slowly back away, still facing her, and she was suddenly seized with a violent passion, grabbing the front of his shirt to prevent him from backing further before she buried her face in his chest, her arms wrapping around his body. He stiffened at first, but then enveloped her in a crushing embrace as he buried his face in her hair. 

Her mind was still whirling, but in that moment, everything felt right in the world. Will kissed the top of her head, disentangling their arms as he began to pull away, a soft, sad smile on his lips. And so as he pulled away, Tessa let go. 

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