The Hobbit {Male Reader Insert}

Chapter 1: our 15th member

" as I see the house Gandalf was talking about I see Fili and Kili talking to Bilbo Baggins "

Fili: Fili.
Kili: And Kili.
[both bowing]
Fili and Kili: At your service.
Kili: You must be Mr. Baggins.
Bilbo: No! You can't come in, you've come to the wrong house.
[Bilbo goes to shut the door but Kili stops him]
Kili: What?! Has it been canceled?
Fili: No one told us.
Bilbo: Can...! No, nothing's been canceled.
Kili: That's a relief.
[Fili and Kili let themselves in, then Fili turns and gives Bilbo swords wrapped cloth]
Fili: Careful with these, I just had them sharpened.
Kili: It's nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?
Bilbo: Uh...no, it's been in the family for years.
(Knock knock)
Bilbo:" oh no"
(Y/n): is this bag end
Bilbo:" yes this is bag end what do you need"
(Y/n): oh I saw some of my companions come in I'm apart of their group may I come in
Bilbo: I guess so
(as Bilbo lets (y/n) in Kili puts his booted foot on a wooden box)
Bilbo: That's my mother's glory box, can you please not do that?
[Dwalin enters the room]
Dwalin: Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand.
Kili: Mr. Dwalin.
[referring to the dining table]
Balin: (y/n) is that you lad
(Y/n): it is how are you balin
(Goes and hugs balin)
Balin: well come (y/n) and Let's shove this in the hole, or otherwise we'll never get everyone in.
Bilbo: Ev...everyone?! How many more are there?
[as Fili, Kili, Dwalin and Balin are rearranging the dining room, the door bell rings again and Bilbo goes to open it]
Bilbo: Oh, no! No, no. There's nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There's far too many dwarves and a man in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead's idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!
[as Bilbo opens the door a bunch of dwarves fall through onto the floor, behind them Gandalf pokes his head through the door]
Bilbo: Gandalf.
[as the rest of the dwarves join in raiding Bilbo's pantry]
Bilbo: Those are my... Excuse me, not my wine! Put that back. Put that back! Not the jam, please. Excuse me.
[to one of the dwarves carrying large portions of cheese]
Bilbo: Ex...Excuse me. A tad excessive, isn't it? Have you got a cheese knife?
Bofur: A cheese knife? He eats it by the block.
[as he sees one of the dwarves carrying through some chairs]
Bilbo: No no, that's Grandpa Mungo's chair, no...uh, so is that. Take it back, please. Take it back, this is antique, not for sitting on. Thank you. That is a book, not a coaster. Uh...put that map down.
[Gandalf and the other dwarves are setting up the dining table with food and drink]
Dori: Excuse me, Mr. Gandalf.
Gandalf: Yes?
Dori: May I tempt you with a cup of chamomile?
Gandalf: Ooh, no thank you, Dori. A little red wine, for me I think.
[Gandalf walks through the hallway and counts the dwarves]
Gandalf: Uh..Fili, Kili. Uh...Oin, Gloin. Dwalin, Balin. Bifur, Bofur, Bombur. Dori, Nori.
[Bilbo runs after one of the dwarves carrying a small basket of tomatoes]
Bilbo: No, no. Not my prize winners, thank you.
Gandalf: Ori!
[Bifur comes into the room and speaks dwarvish to Gandalf]
Gandalf: Yes, you are quite right, Bifur. We appear to be one dwarf short.
Dwalin: He is late, is all. He traveled north to a meeting of our kin, he will come.
Dori: Mr. Gandalf?
Gandalf: Hmm?
Dori: A little glass of red wine as requested, it's got a fruity bouquet.
(As Gandalf says yes to Dori and takes the wine he sees (y/n) and smiles)
Gandalf: well (y/n) son of Thane of Rohan it's good to see you made it.
(Y/n): as well as I Gandalf.

[as Gandalf, (y/n)and the dwarves are stuffing their faces with Bilbo's food, Bilbo turns and goes to his pantry, looking devastated when he sees that most of his food is gone]
Fili: Who wants an ale? There you go.
Oin: Let me have another drink.
(Y/n): same here!.
Balin: Here you go.
Bofur: Hey, on the count of three! One! Two! Come!
[everyone drinks and then start belching and laughing]
[Bilbo runs after one of the dwarves]
Bilbo: Ex...excuse me, that is a doily, not a dish cloth.
Bofur: But it's full of holes!
Bilbo: It's supposed to look like that, it's crochet.
Bofur: Oh, and a wonderful game it is too, if you got the balls for it.
Bilbo: Bebother and confusticate these dwarves!
Gandalf: My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?
(Y/n): yeah Bilbo what's wrong?.

Bilbo: What's the matter? I am surrounded by dwarves. What they're doing here?
Gandalf: Oh, they're quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them.
Bilbo: I don't want to get used to them. Look at the state of my kitchen! There's mud trod in the carpet, they...they've pillaged the pantry! I'm not even gonna tell you what they've done in the bathroom, they've all but destroyed the plumbing! I don't understand what they're doing in my house!
Ori: Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt. But what should do with my plate?
Fili: Here you go, Ori, give it to me.
[Fili throws it to Kili who throws it to another dwarf in the kitchen, they continue doing this with all the plates]
Bilbo: Excuse me! That's my mother's Westfarthing pottery, it's over a hundred years old!
[the dwarves start using the cutlery to play music]
Bilbo: And...and, ca...can you not do that, you'll blunt them!
Bofur: Ooh, d'you hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives!
[the dwarves and (y/n) start singing as they use the cutlery to make music]

(Watch from 1:09 till the end)
(Just imagine (y/n) is their singing with them and throwing the plates)
[as the dwarves wash and stack the dishes, the door bell rings]
Gandalf: He's here.
[Gandalf opens the door and we see Thorin]
Thorin: Gandalf. I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way, twice.
[Thorin walks in]
Thorin: I wouldn't have found it at all, had it not been for that mark on the door.
Bilbo: Mark? There's no mark on that door, it was painted a week ago!
Gandalf: There is a mark, I've put it there myself. [pauses for a moment]
Gandalf: Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield. [looking at Bilbo]
Thorin: So, this is the hobbit. Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?
Bilbo: Pardon me?
Thorin: Axe or sword, what's your weapon of choice? Bilbo: Well, I do have some skill at conkers, if you must know. But I fail to see why that's relevant. Thorin: I thought as much. He looks more like a grocer than a burglar. [the other dwarves laugh]
{Thorin looks to see that (y/n) is here as well}
Thorin: well (y/n) didn't expect you to be here?.
(Y/n): what can I say Thorin it's like I said I plan to help you take back your homeland your my bestfriend after all.
Thorin: it's good to see you.
(Y/n): as well as you Thorin.
[back in the dining room as Thorin eats his dinner]
Balin: What news from the meeting in Ered Luin? Did they all come?
Thorin: Aye, envoys from all seven kingdoms.
Dwalin: And what did the dwarves of the Iron Hill say? Is Dain with us?
Thorin: They will not come.
[the other dwarves and (y/n) are visibly upset]
Thorin: They say this quest is ours, and ours alone.
Bilbo: You're doing a quest?
Gandalf: Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light.
[as Bilbo leaves the room, Gandalf takes out a map]
Gandalf: Far to the East, over ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and wastelands, lies a single solitary peak.
[Gandalf places the map on the table and points to the mountain, as Bilbo brings in a candle he leans in and reads from the map]
Bilbo: The Lonely Mountain?.