The Secret Muse (#1)

Chapter 16

Filling in my Aunt with the events that took place outside of her home was rather difficult considering she was very upset about my abrupt departure and sudden disappearance. I don't blame her, I knew I shouldn't have.

"Forgive me, Aunt Simona. I know I was wrong, I should not have done the things that I did. I did not mean to worry you so much." I said sincerely in a quiet voice as I stood across from her while she sat on the settee with her lips pursed in disappointment.

"Normally, I would have berated you and punished you as a consequence but knowing you have reasons, I could no longer feel the need to do so. However, I would love for you not to disappear again. You are my blood, I care deeply about your well-being. Not knowing where you are or what is happening to you deeply upsets me." She said in a rather calming and commanding voice. She then smiled at me before continuing.

"Possibly this is just proof that no matter how much I try to bend you in the rules of my time, I can never change you. You are now free to do what you like so long as you still uphold the standards of nobility." She stretched out her hands towards me which I gladly accepted, and pulled me in to sit next to her.

"Thank you, Aunt Simona," I said as I looked at her with sincere gratitude.

She sighs as she holds my hands. "If it's alright with you, I want to talk about what happened before your disappearance."

My turn to sigh, I look away. "Yes, well if you must know, Botticelli and I have gotten close." The words that are coming out of my mouth felt bitter on my tongue but I know I have to say them. Perhaps talking about it would ease the pain I feel.

"Our relationship may have gotten deeper. He suddenly showers me with affection, only that I found out that he's only taken an interest because of who he sees in me. Unfortunately, he sees my mother and not me. I felt betrayed and I left." I surprised myself for being able to hold in my emotions as I told her about it. When I looked back up at her, she only nodded in understanding.

"Then it's best we postpone the portrait for your sake."

Smiling in gratitude, I nodded. "I'm sorry, I know you've been looking forward to it."

"Don't be silly, my dear. You are far more important than a silly portrait." Knowing I might cry, I look up and blink many times before looking down. "It must be difficult for you, dear Antonia." Confused, I look back up to her and see her face gloomy and looking in the distance.

"Taking after your mother's face is not your fault and yet you find it difficult to trust men around you to see you for yourself and not the woman you resemble."

Unable to hold it in any longer, I nodded as my tears fell. "Perhaps it's my curse, for being the result of adultery she committed. She's found love outside of her marriage and I might not be able to find love for myself because of it."

"Don't say that." She said then pulled me in for a hug as I cried. "You will soon. In the meantime, you have me."

Overwhelmed, I continued to cry on her shoulders as I hugged her back tightly.

With my mornings now available, I decided to dedicate my time to deciphering the symbol on the stone. I know I have gotten so preoccupied with Botticelli that I didn't realize how much time has passed without thinking about the stone itself.

With that in mind, I decided to go downstairs to let my Aunt Simona know of my departure. As always, she sits by the window practicing her needlework while she hums sweetly. I knocked on the open door to let her know my presence. "Aunt Simona, I'm going out to the library to study."

She then looks up but her lips are pressed into a thin line before responding. "I'm afraid no one will allow you inside. Only men are allowed in such a place, my dear."