The Secret Muse (#1)

Chapter 23

Dear Antonia,

You are already 3 months in my belly. I should know, I have not bled in 3 moons. I'm still not certain if you're a boy or a girl but I can feel in my gut that you are a girl. I just want you to know that your father and I are exhilarated upon learning I am pregnant with you. Whenever I'm alone, I always touch my belly. I can feel you growing inside of me. I know you need more time to grow inside me but I cannot wait to see and touch you. I wonder if you'll look after your father. I hope you will. I love seeing the intelligence and determination of your father in you. Some call him stubborn, but I believe it's just tenacity unable to be contained.

My child, the purpose of this letter is to let you know the truth about our situation. You see, your father and I are not wed as I'm already a wife to someone else. My husband has been chosen for me because of his connections and financial security. I had never thought I'd learn to know how it feels like, to feel love until I met your father. We didn't plan on loving each other. For a while, we tried suppressing our evolving passion for each other but it has proven more difficult than we have planned. At the moment, our plan was for us to live together. You will be raised by a man who is not your father and I don't know if I can bear it. Your father is a good man. Despite everything, I hope you'll understand. I know it may have been difficult to grasp everything but in time, I hope you do. If you come to hate us both for our mistakes then I accept. Just know that no matter what happens, you were never one of them. I love you so much, my child. Always and forever.

Your beloved mother,

Simonetta

When I first opened this letter, I didn't realize what she would want to say. I never thought she'd be upfront with the reality of the situation. For someone aware of the circumstances revolving around my parents, knowing her side of the story has never come up to me.

For someone who looks so much like her, I never even considered anything about her.

I feel horrible. It must have been difficult for her. She was torn about choosing from something she did not have any control over. All of those people I have talked to have only had good things to say about her.

Now that I think about it, I don't think anyone has any ill will against her. This just proves how kind and understanding of a person she is.

For her to like my father's stubbornness is a great feat. Almost everyone I know hates that about him-well, about us. I wonder how it would have been if she came with us. What if we all lived in the 20th century? I'm sure my father would have been a better person.

He would have been a successful professor at Oxford and with his tenure, my mother didn't have to change the way she is. She could find herself with fewer restrictions.

I wonder what would become of me. If they had lived together, I'm sure neither of them would have died so soon. Thinking about ifs has become a rabbit hole for me. Endless curiosity about what could have been and when I dived too deep, I only hurt myself in the process because they all remained a wonder and never a reality.

As tears fall, I quickly wipe them away. There's no sense in crying over something that will never happen. The best way to honor them is to live my life as fully as I can and to discover the things about the stone just like I promised to my father.

Clearing my mind, I inhaled deeply and exhaled in preparation for my study for this day. After gathering a few things from the secret room, I lay down a few things on my table that should remain a focus.

The coin, the stones, and the two pieces of gold jewelry. These three could lead me to answers, I can feel it in my gut.

According to what I have gathered, one of the pieces of jewelry belongs to Ailbe, a Celtic woman who is friends with both Aunt Simona and Botticelli. My question is, is she also a friend of my parents?