Feelings

Chapter 18

After another two weeks, Lim had decided she was ready to return to work. She had been out of work on and off since early December and she couldn't stand not working anymore. She loved St. Bonaventure, she loved her co-workers (or most of them anyways), and she loved everything about her job. She spoke to Andrews and, though he had made it clear that he still had high expectations, she had been forthcoming about everything she had been going through the last few months, so he had appreciated her honesty about her diagnosis. As her therapy sessions progressed, she had gotten around to admitting she felt some survivor's guilt from having lived unlike the other three patients. She admitted to feeling that the ER no longer felt safe for her and that she was afraid something like she had experienced was going to happen again, to her or someone she cared about. She had worked with Dr. Jacobson about different techniques she could use if she felt a panic attack coming on and also corrected some of her inaccurate assumptions (like that the deaths weren't her fault and that the world wasn't a dangerous place). Finally during the first week of April, Lim felt confident enough that she would be okay to work.

The morning of April 1, Lim woke up in Melendez's bed after a night of passion, no surprise there. Another beneficial thing about the therapy sessions, both the ones for her lungs and the ones for her mind, was that her sex drive had slowly returned, and clearly, they were both still in the honeymoon phase. She rolled over to find him still fast asleep, so she kissed his shoulders a little and whispered, "Wake up, sleep head."

He groaned at being pulled out of a deep sleep, but he rolled to his left side and smiled when he saw his beautiful girl lying next to him, "Today's a big day for you," he commented.

"Mmhm," she affirmed nervously, "But I'm ready for it. I want to be able to help others again. I know I can't save everyone, but I'll save as many people as I possibly can."

"That's my girl," Melendez kissed her forehead. He went into the bathroom and began to shower, Lim sneaking in behind him. Before Melendez left, he kissed Lim and stroked her cheek, "You're going to do great today, Audrey. You've come so far in the last few months."

Lim smiled, "Thank you, that means a lot," she gave him a quick embrace and Melendez went into work first. Lim arrived about twenty minutes later, Andrews being the first to greet her. Figures. Lim quelled the urge to roll her eyes and gave a polite smile, "Dr. Andrews," she acknowledged him.

"Welcome back, Dr. Lim," stated Andrews, "How are you feeling?" he asked and she swore there was a hint of compassion in his usually stern voice.

"I've been feeling really good," confirmed Lim.

"Good," nodded Andrews, "Dr. Murphy and Dr. Browne are waiting for you in the ER," Andrews ordered.

Lim nodded and immediately went down to the said wing. She used some of the mindfulness skills before entering the room where Shaun and Claire were waiting for her, "Dr. Lim," smiled Claire, "It's good to have you back."

"It's good to be back, Dr. Browne," admitted Lim, "Nice to see you, Dr. Murphy," she said to Shaun.

He stayed silent, looking around the room until he gained the courage to look Lim in the eyes, "We missed you here at St. Bonaventure," he said stoically.

Lim's pager went off and she got the information from a staff member before she said, "Three car accident victims coming in, two are five minutes out, one is eight minutes out. Dr. Browne, Dr. Murphy, you take the first two patients," instructed Lim, "I'll wait for the one who's eight minutes out," the first two patients came in, one with a head injury and one with a broken arm, so Claire and Shaun started examining them. When the third patient was rolled in, Lim stepped beside the gurney and asked, "What are we looking at?"