"Sorry I can't come to the phone right now, I'm either busy, don't want to talk to you, or having tea with Satan. But if you leave your name and number or I have you as a contact, I'll get back to you later."
"Damn it, Reese," I groaned, hanging up the phone and not bothering to leave her a message. I leaned against the door of my apartment and stared down the hallway, not finding it in me to walk in there alone. Maybe I could just show up her place or something. She'd done it countless times before to me, drunk off her ass.
I sniffled once and wiped my eyes before I pulled up the hood of the sweatshirt and took off down the stairs. The last time I was probably out this late or even close to this time was that night in Santa Cruz. I blinked back tears and continued on outside, turning up the street.
It was probably around five now and the only people out were the ones on their way to work. I felt out of place in my baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants.
I caught an early bus, not really up to walking. Reese lived in an apartment building near the Presidio, which was closer to the Golden Gate Bridge than it was to Pier 39, where I was near. With my head against the window, I put in my earbuds and put on The Maine. My eyes, already puffy, started to sting from fatigue. It had been a long night and it still wasn't over. I'd probably show up at Reese's, tell her everything that had happened, and then cried some more.
Sounded fun.
"Sixth stop, the Presidio."
With a sigh, I tore out my earbuds and stood. I checked my seat to make sure I hadn't left anything behind. There was nothing but a crumpled piece of paper sitting on my chair. I snatched it up quickly before taking off down the aisle to the front of the bus.
It was cold-no, fucking freezing-outside. The sky was already turning pink with the rising sun, but it brought no warmth to me. I blinked my stinging eyes against the cold air and pulled my hood up, hoping for some sort of relief from the bitter wind.
There was none.
I sighed and turned up the street, heading towards Baker Beach Apartments where Reese lived.
It was always quiet, here in the Presidio. It was one of things I loved best and hated most about this place. For both reasons, it gave me the quiet solitude I needed to think. Right now, I hated it.
Thoughts of Michael plagued my mind. I saw him playing and singing with the guitar. I saw him hopelessly trying to draw with me. I saw him sitting next to me on that bench in Santa Cruz while I drew the sunset. I saw his tattoos. I saw his green eyes, staring down at me. I saw his red lips press themselves against my skin, murmuring softly, ʻI love you.'
Stop.
I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut, desperate for some sort of rope to pull me out of the endless stream of memories I had of him.
I jammed my hands into my pockets, feeling them numb up from the cold and how tightly they were clenched. My hand brushed against something brittle and I slowed. I pulled out the crumpled piece of paper that was on my seat in the bus. As I kept walking, I uncrumpled the paper, attempting to smooth it out as much as possible.
"No," I whispered as my vision began to blur. "No, god dammit."
It was the flyer for Concert In the Park. 5 Seconds of Summer. The logo was in the middle and at the bottom was a picture of all four boys. I hadn't really looked at it long before with Michael around, but now I could hardly stand to look at it.
"Stupid...fucking...Michael..." I mumbled as I tore the flyer up. Dark spots appeared on the paper as tears rolled of my cheeks effortlessly, splotching the logo and Calum's ear. I was so busy attacking the paper, I had totally forgotten basic lessons you learned in kindergarten and stepped of the curb of the side walk without looking and began to cross the street.
"HEY LOOK OUT!" someone yelled at the same time a car horn cut through the crisp clean air.
I whipped my head up, my eyes widening as I saw the headlights of a car coming even closer.
So you know how people always say it was as if time slowed down? Well I'm not really sure that's what happened. Because one second I was in the middle of the street, about to get hit by a Ford Explorer, the next I was sitting on the other side of the with my back to the curb watching the Explorer roll to a stop. The driver opened his door and stuck a foot out, but before it could touch the ground, a voice behind me yelled, "It's alright, I got it. She's fine."
And that's when I realized I did not get hit by the car. That's also when I realized I almost got hit by a car.
"Holy shit," I whispered as the driver hesitated and then nodded, climbing back into his car and cautiously driving away.
Suddenly something was yanked out of my hands. The flier. Or at least what was left of it. I hadn't realized I was still holding it.
"My band almost got you killed, huh?" Whoever was behind me snickered but the relief in his voice was evident.
I twisted around as strong hands lifted me off my ass on back on my feet. "Luke?"
With one hand, Luke held the torn pieces of paper and pulled down his gray beanie over his messy blonde hair with the other. He chewed his lip, teasing the ring as he assessed the torn flyer. "Lana," Luke sighed and handed me back the papers. "Why the hell did I just have to pull you out of the way of a car while you were busy tearing up a poster for our concert?"
I had been staring down at his feet, keeping my hood low over my eyes, but once I finally calmed down, I raised my face so he could see it better. Instantly, his features softened and he reached over to put his fingers under my chin and tilted it upwards. The corners of his lips turned downwards as he took in my red nose and puffy eyes. I probably looked terrible.
Gently, Luke removed his fingers and stepped back, looking me up and down. Tentatively, he asked, "Is that Michael's sweatshirt?"
Slowly, I looked down and realized that it was. My shoulders sagged and I nodded quietly.
Luke stared at me for a little while longer. Suddenly he pulled me to his chest, wrapping his long arms around me. I slumped against him, and he effortlessly held my weight. Feeling his steady arms holding me up was all the security I needed and I was done. I gave in, letting the sobs I'd been holding back rack my body.
Luke held me tightly to him, resting his chin on my head. "Come on, we'll go back to my place."
I nodded and followed Luke to his car, forgetting my plans to go to Reese's. He pulled out of his parking space without a word and turned onto the main road. I stared quietly out the window at the rising sun. An old tune rang through my head that I couldn't remember the name of.
"It'll be okay," Luke said, squeezing my knee with one hand. "Whatever's going on, it'll be okay."
"No," I whispered, my breath fogging up the glass. "It won't."
-
Well this sucks.
