"Hey," Luke called after me through the rolled down window of his car.
"Yeah?" I stopped on the front steps of my apartment building and looked back.
Luke held something out the window from me. "You should have this."
I walked back over to him and took what he held out. It was a little leather book, much like the one I found that night Michael showed up at my place, drunk. "What is it?"
"A song book. Michael's." Luke ran his hands through his hair. "He left it at my place. You should look through it."
"Oh," I flipped the book to see the back cover. Like his other book, scratched into the bottom of the back were Michael's initials, M.C. "Thanks."
Luke nodded and I turned to go, but before I could walk away, he grabbed onto my hand. "Wait."
I stopped and raised my eyebrows at him. "I'm waiting."
"It'll be okay," he promised. "It'll all work out in the end."
I nodded and he let go of my hand. I couldn't help but feel like Luke was trying to convince himself just as much as he tried to convince me. "Goodbye, Luke."
"It's not goodbye yet, Lana." Luke gave me a small smile that I tried to return.
"Then I'll see you later."
"See you later." Luke waved and rolled up the window.
Clutching the notebook tightly, I ran up the stairs and into the apartment building. I pulled my messy hair into a ponytail in an attempt to look at least halfway decent as I passed some of my neighbors.
"Ah, screw it." I mumbled, giving up on trying to look presentable as I came to my floor, figuring that I was in the clear now.
But of course I wasn't.
"Lana."
Fuck.
"Michael." His name fell softly from my lips as I came to a stop at the top of the stairwell.
"I..." Michael's voice cracked. His eyes were red and there were shadows under them. His light blonde hair was rumpled and he looked like he had even less sleep than I had. Which was true. "I'm so sorry."
Every single neuron in my brain told me to run to him. My body itched to rush forward and get enveloped in his arms, which would open to me the moment I stepped forward. I didn't. It was different, now that I knew he could be leaving. I was still madly, imsanely, crazily in love with Michael. But both of us would get hurt, indefinitely. It was only a matter of trying to decide what would hurt more. Waiting until the last second to say goodbye or getting used to being apart now.
"Say something," Michael pleaded, his green eyes desperate. "Please."
No, no, no, I tried to protest, but I was already undone. I rushed forward, pulled to him like the opposite ends of a magnet. Michael opened his arms, holding me tightly to him. I squeezed my eyes shut and hid my face into his sweater, breathing in his scent. Michael peppered small kisses all over my face, whispering "I love you" and "I'm so sorry" in between.
"I love you." I murmured against him. I let myself be warmed by his heat, giving me the most human feeling that I've had in a while other than sadness. His warmth still wasn't enough to make me forget everything Luke told me, but it was preferrable.
"I shouldn't have told you to go," he kissed all across my forehead. "I'm so stupid."
I just shook my head and buried myself deeper into him. "We're all idiots."
