Finding Love: Tales from a Gay Millennial

Chapter 5: Clarence

It's such a paradox who getting over AJ is taking longer than our little affair if you can even call it that. We just shared one intimate moment together but here I am, a mess for a couple of months now.

It's very hard to get over someone you see every day at work.

 It's also not helping that he's around during events and parties that our company hosts, or those that we organize together since we're both part of this group in the company that does so. 

But what's worse is that I wanted to talk to him, to let out all my feelings, and end it properly whatever it was because I'm a sucker for closure.

What drives me nuts though is that he seems okay. He's seemingly moving forward in life without carrying anything at all while I feel like I'm carrying the whole world on my shoulders. This is just so unfair.

During this time, I became a regular at some of the bars near the office. I've also drowned myself in work just so I can take my mind off AJ. How crazy is it that I'm having such a hard time moving on from someone who was never even my boyfriend in the first place?

At one point, I went as far as back to the town where my university was located to meet my good college friend Alexei. She's among the few I trust to tell sensitive stories. She was also among the few to know about how Austin and I started, and how we eventually ended.

Over drinks, we talked about AJ and what happened between us. Of course, I got scolded, but then she was more concerned of what a disaster I've turned out to be after that. 

Alexei had a suggestion.

"TINDER? WHY THE HELL WOULD I SIGN UP FOR THAT?", I said the moment she mentioned that I should try the dating app.

"Well," she said, "I just think it could help you take your mind off of AJ."

"But Tinder doesn't really have a clean reputation you know. What if someone I know sees me there?" I answered.

"Why are you so adamant to try it anyway? There's nothing to lose", Alexei insisted.

"My relationships have all evolved from friendship. And I would like to keep it that way. I can never date a stranger. Who know what kind of people I'll meet there?" I strongly answered.

Alexei was quiet for a while.

"If you can give me one good reason to be on Tinder, then I might just consider it," I dared her.

"Well, you want your relationships to start with friendship, and that is what happened with Austin, and I presume with AJ as well. But even if you did so, look at what happened? Look what kind of people you got yourself with."

I had no answer for that. 

She was right.

I lost the argument and so I signed up for Tinder.

I was very adamant at first since I was afraid to be seen by people I know. 

I never really publicly announced my sexuality so this would be a huge thing for me. 

But then I realized that if they did find me there, then it would just mean that we have the same preference, and so why should I be ashamed?

At first, Tinder was slow in giving me matches.

The first guy that I matched and actually talked with was Matt.

Matt was a fresh graduate of multimedia arts. We got along and decided to meet each other.