Sadness & Kisses ✓

prologue

• S U M M A R Y •

Gulf has been in love with Mew for three years, with no hopes of his feelings being returned. To Mew, Gulf was simply like a younger brother to him.

So, for the first time since they've met, Gulf decides to distance himself - not wanting to give himself hope again after Mew broke up with his girlfriend of one year.

Because it would be much harder for him to hold back from flirting knowing the older man was now once again single, and the last thing he wanted to do was to utterly ruin their friendship by pushing his luck.

__________________

Kanawut Traipipattanapong, nicknamed; Gulf, was an honest one. There was no filter when it came to his honesty, and to those who were close to him, his honesty was both a breath of fresh air, and somewhat troublesome. Because while they knew he'd never lie to them, sometimes his truth would hurt - even if it wasn't filled with ill intention.

Of course, none of them could hate him. Not when he was such a kind and warm-hearted individual despite his tall height, and slightly intimidating expressions.

Apart from his honesty, he was an awkward and introverted one, too. Unless spoken to first, he was not one to say anything. When pulled into conversations, he was usually the type to listen and reply here and there; though often his replies would be too random, and seem almost not related to the conversations.

But contrary to their beliefs of him being a truthful one, there laid a well hidden secret within him - unspoken and unknown to everyone but himself.

He was, and is, helplessly in love with his best friend, Suppasit Jongcheeveevat, nicknamed; Mew. He wasn't sure when he began to fall for his older friend. Perhaps it was three years ago, on that fateful rainy day when he collided head-on him for the first time on the campus, or perhaps it was when they began to get close to one another and he found himself feeling more comfortable with the senior than he was with his friends from high school.

Either way, it was a feeling meant to be locked away. Because even if Mew was in fact bisexual like Gulf, he made it clear his type was always the opposite of him.

Mew liked those smaller than him, and Gulf was just slightly taller than him. He liked the type who knew how to act cute and openly speak their minds, Gulf was as terrible at expressing himself. There was a whole clear list of what Mew preferences were when it came to his relationship, and Gulf could only check mark one; he was younger than Mew.

But such a little thing could never allow him to succeed in pursuing his senior and best friend. It was a risk he wouldn't take, because had he had a chance in the first place, Mew and him would've long had a relationship with how close they were.

Even others around them were sometimes surprised by how close and touchy they were with one another. Had it not been for Mew being taken, it wouldn't be a surprise for people to mistake them as a couple.

And despite feeling giddy whenever his crush would pat his stomach in a teasing way, or pull him into a hug, he also felt immense guilt. Jeed, Mew's girlfriend of one year, was understanding enough to not get jealous or mad at the way her boyfriend seemed to dote on Gulf - going as far as teasing the younger boy herself. But it did not mean Gulf felt comfortable at the whole ordeal.

He'd rather the older girl hate him, just as Mew's ex, Pete (whom he dated the year before) hated Gulf. Better yet, it would be much better if Jeed decided to become possessive like Aim, who Mew had dated for nearly three years before meeting Gulf, and try to separate them from hanging out.

At least then he'd have reasons not to allow himself to be doted on. Because the more he got used to it, the more he would crave for his Mew's touches. And it was suffocating. His feelings were suffocating, and almost seemed too hard to erase.

___________________

"You okay, P'Gulf?" a worried, and gentle voice asked. Gulf looked up, snapping out of his deep thinking, and turning his attention to his cousin, Love, who had just returned from studying abroad.

Love was adorable; with her wide eyes, clear complexion, and small frame. If Mew wasn't dating Jeed, Gulf knew his crush would most likely go after someone like the girl before him. And the thought sent a wave of pain through his heart.

He nodded, trying to stray away from thinking about Mew, "I'm okay. So have you decided what course you'll be taking in university?"

She nodded excitedly, "I'll be entering the same faculty as you; Industrial Education and Technology. The way you explained it to me peaked my interest and since there wasn't anything else that truly interested me, I decided on this one."

He raised his brows, a smile forming on his face. Love was like another sister to him, and to see her happily state she was entering the same major because of him made him not only happy, but proud.

"Well, I wish you luck. It's my last year, so once I'm gone you won't have anyone else helping you," he chuckled.

Love pouted, crossing her arms, "Ow, can't you just give me all your old notes?"

"Aren't you the one who always complains about how messy my writing is?"

"It is," she insisted, pursing her lips afterwards. "Okay, how about you explain-"

"-How about you lose your habit of zoning out, and remember to take notes," Gulf interrupted, grinning when his cousin huffed in defeat.

"Urg, you're no fun, Phi." Gulf could only shake his head. He watched in wonder when she suddenly widened her eyes, gasping and leaning forward. "By the way, have you found yourself a crush yet?"

He gaped at her question, his mouth running dry and sweat starting to form on the palm of his hands. It was easy for him to get away with lying about where his heart currently lied when it came to others, but not when it came to Love. They had known each other since they were in diapers, sharing every little detail about themselves since up until she left abroad five years ago.

Even when she was away, they held communication through texts, and from time to time, video calls. She knew him, far better than he often knew himself sometimes. He would've gotten away with it if it was through texts (because truth be told, he had done so before), but not when she was right here - in front of him with gleaming and curious eyes.

He gulped, trying to clear his mind and find a suitable answer. His reaction sent a trickle of curiosity and slight worry through Love. She pulled away, placing on a sheepish smile. "Ah, whatever. Just tell me more about the university. Is it scary?"

Gulf felt relieved and thankful she switched the conversation when she noticed his uneasiness. He would tell her one day. Because if there was one person he could trust with his one and only secret, it was Love.

How could he not trust her?

She cried for him when he had his first rejection, and attempted to beat up the girl for him for "breaking" his heart when it had simply been a puppy love between elementary kids.

She slept next to him for nearly a month after he began to have nightmares from watching a movie his parents specifically told him not to watch.

She took the blame for the injury on his right arm when it had been his own stupidity that caused him to be injured. He had impulsively tried to attempt a jump off a swing, and ended up falling and wounding his arm.

But out of fear of being in big trouble, he wanted to hide it and would've hidden it if not for Love speaking up, and claiming she accidentally hurt him by pushing him too hard when he was on the swing. Luckily neither of them got in too much trouble that time, and he was only put in a cast for a bit before it healed without a scar.

Yes, Love has done a lot for him and understood him better than most. So it was only natural for him to tell her about his unrequited love sooner or later. Though he knew she'd most likely freak out he hid it for so long.

"University is..."