my euphoria. rosekook

ch 45

CHAPTER 45:

park rosé's point of view

i wonder, if we knew which moments will be the last, would we have cherished each moment more?

it's our last year in highschool now so maybe that's what everyone in this classroom is thinking.

to make most of each moment together because it's gonna be the last.

and before we knew it, it's gonna be the time for goodbye.

that's what i was thinking as i gaze into jungkook during that morning in the classroom.

he was sitting in the teacher's table, laughing and being surrounded by the boys.

the way he is laughing right now, it's like he's not gonna go away from us a few weeks from now.

but maybe he prefer not thinking about that yet. maybe he wants to spend more memories with our friends first before he tells them what he's gonna do. before he goes away and move forward in his life and leave us all here.

i'm resting my cheek in my palm as i look at him.

i want to look away but i can't.

a day will come when i can't even look at him like this.

"the way you're staring at him like that, i'm afraid he might melt any time now." lisa suddenly came out of nowhere and sat beside me. in jungkook's seat. "why are you staring at him like that anyway?"

"i want to memorize him."

"and why would you do that?"

i looked at lisa and just smiled at her. i shouldn't be the one to tell her. it should be him.

it's been days since i knew about jungkook's plans, since that night when i told him i love him only to push him away the next moment. we spent days not talking about it again. like it's a taboo topic for the both of us. we only carried on each day like nothing happened.

"anyway, how are you lili?" i asked to divert the topic.

"huh?"

"you and your dates."

"oh. that. it's okay. i mean, we are getting to know eachother and our personalities clash from time to time but we're working on it." lisa smiled.

"getting to know eachother? isn't that tiring? every single time, you're always gonna introduce yourself to someone uncertain. you're not sure if they're gonna last, the next thing you knew, they'll be leaving you."

"what do you mean?"

i shook my head and smiled, "aniya. that's nothing. don't mind me."

days passed again and it almost seemed like everything is normal. we still hang out together, in cafés, in the bar, in the benches after school, together with our friends, trying to make memories once more. none of our circle except jungkook and i knew about him leaving and it looks like jungkook planned to keep it that way.

weeks passed and the school festival passed by like a blur.

it was our last school festival together and jungkook spent it filming. he produced his best festival film yet. it seemed as though he's really observing everything, like he's trying to keep all those memories into the films of his camera and he's planning to leave something behind. i didn't notice i was already crying as i watch the film he made.

every now and then i would appear in the screen, but it's always just a glimpse of me.

it's like he's reaching out to me but he can't.