CHAPTER 32:
park rosé's point of view
they say even the brightest stars have darkness too.
they weren't wrong.
that night i was so tired. for some reason, i was so tired of being alive, of smiling, of trying to brighten up the world, of talking to people, of people in general, of everything.
it's like all the things that i'm doing doesn't make sense anymore and i'm just tired.
maybe being with other people and talking to them drained me too much.
maybe smiling and trying to help making a difference drained me too much.
maybe trying to fix things and trying to grow drained me too much.
why does this always happen to me?
everytime i try to be better, to be happy and to do something, i always end up succumbing back to my anxieties. i always end up giving up to them too. but i can't give up now. i've come a long way from not being able to talk to other people and always putting my head low to where i am now.
i'm just tired, but i won't give up.
but for tonight, let me just lock myself in my bedroom and stare at the ceiling while i think about my life choices. i'm shutting down once again.
because hey, that's part of growing up, right?
"noona." i heard jihoon's voice on the other side of my door and a few more knocks. "i was wondering why you didn't eat dinner tonight. that's new. you always never miss a meal and after eating, you'd already be hungry. aren't you hungry right now, noona?"
i pursed my lips. i didn't answer.
"she's shutting down herself out again?" this time, i heard joy eonnie's voice.
"mhm."
"rosie? i don't know if you're listening but i think i know what's up so i'll let you have your space. it must be tiring for you to always try and socialize, to always smile and to always fix things. you were our sunshine during those times, but i forgot even the sun needs rest too. so take your rest and we'll be right here for you." eonnie said.
i smiled. i'm thankful that they understand my shortcomings.
"noona, we're here, okay?" that was sungie.
i'm betting even jimin oppa is there outside as well.
"chaeyoung, taehyung sent me a message, he said he will treat you to milkshakes any time you want." that's jimin oppa right there. "and remember, you are so much more than what your anxiety is telling you."
i realized without my siblings, i am nothing. literally nothing. just a nothing in the school. and just a nothing as a person.
//
it was saturday the next day. i was up early. even before the sun could rise.
i went out of my room, wearing jogging clothes. i'm pretty sure everyone is still asleep so i tried my best to not make any noise as i got out of the house.
my destination: the park. i just wanna breathe on my own and walk for a bit. i'll walk cookie too because walking is good for dogs. and well, cookie is a dog.
after a few hours of walking around the park, i remove cookie's collar and let him run around the grass, while i sat in the bench to rest.
"chaeyoung." someone handed me a bottle of water.
YOU ARE READING
my euphoria. rosekook
Fanfic"what was she to you?" "the cause of my euphoria." in which jeon jungkook found euphoria during his highschool days in the form of park chaeyoung who found motivation and comfort in him. a story about the beauty of youth, its hardships and how it wi...
