Brains & Bobby

Day Nineteen

Was I having an out of body experience? Was this really happening right now? I woke up next to Neil. It had been so many years since the moment I woke up next to him. He was warm and inviting. It was like no time and past. His arm wrapped around me and his head nestled in my neck. It was like yesterday. If I closed my eyes we could have been back at our apartment and he'd be getting up to make me eggs. But the reality that I was now stuck with this Neil for however long we had was going to weigh on me. I chose this drama-filled episode of my life. I could have been with Lucas, who would have treated me like a queen. I could have been with Jakub who, to be honest, I would have killed. But in all honesty, I took Neil out of safety. I knew, if in the end, we got to the finale, we could win because the world would see a reunion. They'd see a couple that went through hell and got back again. But I wouldn't be happy. I wasn't happy at all. The reality that I was no longer with Noah or Bobby was all too much. Tears had formed in my eyes. His eyes fluttered open to see me.

"Darling, don't cry," he wiped a few off my face. His soft lips kissed my forehead. "What's wrong?" His voice was tender and his sleepy eyes looked concerned. Did I want to tell him the reason for my tears?

"I'm just still overwhelmed over Priya leaving." He pulled me into a hug, his big arms engulfing me. I had forgotten how much I missed being held by him. I instantly relaxed. It felt like... home. But then the images of him and those women keep flashing in my mind. Why was I doing this? Why was I torturing myself? I pulled back and looked at him. He looked exhausted.

"Listen, I'm going to go to the gym, I'll see you in a little while, okay?" He nodded, drifting back to sleep. I ran to the dressing room and got into my gym clothes. I threw on my headphones and ran down to lift. I stopped in the kitchen. It looked like it went through a war zone. I picked up a croissant, an iced coffee, and my water and left for the gym.

—-

Coffee, Croissant, and a smoothie... that was her typical day, Bobby remembered. He had watched her from the couch. She obviously didn't see him. How could she? He was nothing to her now. She was like a robot, going back to her old routine. No longer happy, no longer bashful or quick to help. She had returned to the person she was before the show. The person who had no idea Bobby loved her.

He finally admitted it. He loved her. The moment she chose Neil over all the other guys, he knew. He knew the moment he heard Noah kissed her. The moment she heard Priya had kissed him. The moment they made love. The moment Noah said her name at the recoupling. The moment he saw Neil kissing her on the video. The moment he knew she was gone to Casa. The moment he kissed her that first night in bed. That moment she sang just for him... he knew he loved her. He was just too damn stubborn, too damn blind, too damn afraid to love her.

Bobby had been up all night trying to perfect one of her favorite pastries: The cheese danish. After dozens of attempts while she was gone, he finally mastered it.

—-

I had enough of the gym. Even there I could see the images of everyone laughing and happy. Gary and the boys had come down. Rahim hugged me and said I was too much for all of them. That wasn't a lie. I told them I'd coach them later. I needed a little more headspace. I was about to head up when I heard someone say my name. I turned and saw Bobby, his face full of flour and his hands putting together a plate of food. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"Hungry?"

"No. I'm fine." It came out robotically. No emotion.

"I'm sorry... by the way..." He dusted his hands off his melon baller apron.

"Okay." I turned to go up the stairs.

"Tell me something." He stopped me again. "Why didn't you switch?" I blinked rapidly. What a strange question.