North Star

Chapter XIX

"Can you tell me who is your first love so that I would feel at ease the moment we'll get married." I begged. That Saturday morning when we are in the living room watching American movie. She was drinking her orange juice.
She smiled and put the glass on the center table.
"No need. I'm going to marry you so it doesn't make any sense why we have to talk about this. And the most important thing is my love for you is genuine."
"Genuine? I'm not comfortable thinking you have someone in mind and it's not me."
"Are we going to fight this?"
"No. I just want to know "
"Don't you have work to do and you're pestering me now? Go. I'm watching here."
"Tsk,"
I stood up and got my laptop in our room. I went back to her.
"Why are you here again?"
"Let me stay by your side. I'll miss you if I won't."
"Tsk. You're crazy."
"If I die,what will you do?"
"I'll die too."
"Why?"
"I don't like to live without you."
"Mattheo,no,you have to live your life and be happy again."
"Do you want to see me having another woman in my life again?"
I cried in front of her.
"Finn,don't you believe the doctor who treat you? You won't die."
"Mattheo,according to him,20-50% probability only. I want to believe it too."
" Finn,let's not talk about it. I feel sad now ".
" You have to be ready all the time. I might leave unexpectedly."
" Finn,no. Stop talking.".
"You're coward. Be brave ."
" I'm not joking here. Be serious and don't talk about it. You watch your movie."
I turned my back against her and  do my job. I feel she leaned at my back. I cried silently.
Why does she always say about death? Does she know that I would die too if she die?
"Don't cry,I won't die. I believe in your faith." She said in a low voice.
"Really?"
"Hmm. Just don't leave me." She is crying too.
"I won't ."
"Okay."
"We'll die together in old age. We will have white hair and shaking bones. That's our goal."
"Thank you for being here with me "
"Thank you too for accepting me."
"I fell in love when I was 16 years old. He is silent. He never talk to me if I won't talk to him."
She started narrating her past. I keep on listening to her.
"He always smile at me but I can't look at him longer. My heart was beating abnormally that time. He saved me from the hole of his grandfather's tomb----"
"Finn."
"I was talking to my first love."
I looked at her.
"After I stayed in your grandfather's wake,my mind couldn't stop thinking about you. I cried when you never visited in my hometown before you came back here. I wished every night before that we will meet again. Then I studied in college but still you are in my heart and mind. I want to divert my attention to another thing. Then I found Liam.  My heartache became really painful when I saw him getting married to his longtime crush. I always looked up in the sky to see the stars and that brightest star above,the north star. I was looking at it every night and hoping you are watching too so I could feel I'm not alone watching it."
We are crying together.
"My grandfather told me before when I was a child that if you are lost,look at the north star,you can find your way back home. I think I find my home in you "
" I find my home too."
I hugged her tightly. I kissed her temple.
" I love you so much Finn."
"I love you too  Stephan "
We laughed to each other.
"I thought I have to find that first love and hit him real hard."
She laughed at me.
"No need. You hit yourself now."
I put my arms on her.
Everything is in place. We are real couple already.
"You work now."
She said. She got the remote control and changed the channel.
She watched documentary and it's all about wild animals.
"Oh my God!that was big!"she said pointing to the big snake on the TV.
" I love you Finn"
"Keep quiet."
I put my laptop on the center table and hugged her tightly.
"Honey,sit properly. Get off your hands from me. "
"I love to hear that. Please call me that everyday."
"No,if you don't get off your hands."
"Okay "
I took off my hands from her. I got my laptop.
"Fine. Watch here. I'm just in my study room"
"Okay."
"We'll go out for dinner."
"Really?"
" yeah. I want to eat delicious food today."
"Okay."
" take a rest."
I kissed her before I left.
" stay away from me."
I laughed.
I worked hard until in the afternoon. She never disturbed me. I was thinking what she is doing.
I went out from the study room. I saw her lying on the couch in the living room and the TV is still on.
"Let's go."
"No."
"Do you want to eat dinner with me?"
"I don't want to go out tonight. Let just stay here."
"Tsk. You're lazy."
"Whatever."
I smiled. I went to the kitchen and planned what to cook for her. She's still sleeping.
I was cooking the rice when she went to the kitchen.
" I want to go to salon tomorrow."
"Why?"
"My hair looks awful. Look at this. There are a lot of split ends."
For real,she complained about her hair to me.
" I'm using your shampoo. Look what happened." She exclaimed. I laughed.
"Is it my fault?"
"Yeah,you threw my shampoo. It's expensive but you threw it "
I threw it exactly.
I laughed at her while slicing the carrots.
"Let mom go with you tomorrow. I have work."
"Okay."
"You can bring my card."
" I have money."
"Did I say you don't have? "
"Okay. I'll bring it. I'll spend every cents you have."
"I saved a lot don't worry."
"Oh.."
"Yeah,I have savings for our travel,children's education,retirement allowance and health savings."
She hugged me after she heard it.
"Don't work too hard now. I won't spend your money to those not important things."
"Be healthy okay? "
"Yeah."
"That's my woman."
She helped me cooking the dinner menu.