just for class [c.h]

fifteen ~ damaged beyond repair

My wrists hurt. My eyes hurt. My body hurt. I ached all over and I was tired. I don't even remember the time and I don't even remember what I was doing, but I'm outside. Outside in the cold. Outside in the dark. And my tears had slowly turned to icicles and had fallen off my body.

I lay on the grass, my hands digging into the mud causing them to be dirty and horrible - just like my body. My eyes closed as the rain hit my face, freezing my body further. I don't remember where I am. Nothing seems familiar. I was cold and unwanted and the one person I wanted to be with, hated me. Because guess what, I'm a whore. And I'm a dumb idiot. And I'm insecure and scared. And ugly. I was everything that was wrong with a person.

My body rolled around, my vest top extremely wet and my bed shorts hanging from one side of my hip. The bracelets I had collected over the years had dropped off of my wrists and were everywhere. I am totally disorientated, unable to move, I'm too numb. 

I crawled to the road, rolling onto the peaceful street. The solid concrete was nice under my body weight, keeping me supported. I rolled over, my forehead touching the floor - it was a nice cold, it was soothing. I smiled, laying there for a moment. 

A high pitched noise hit my ears, the sound of wheels skidding and the sudden light hitting off of the concrete and into my dark space. I lifted my head, the light becoming increasingly closer and brighter. My mind told me to move, trying to push me off of the street. My limbs didn't answer, leaving me there to fend for myself. My tears hit the floor, the light disappearing all at once. My mind cut off, my body cold and lifeless. I tried to open my eyes, tried to move, no use. I was too weak.

 ✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎

I opened one eye, staring out at the room. A wail come from the corner, mum crying into her hands. I tried to get up, my body stopping me. My voice was quiet as I tried to speak, my hand reaching out to show I was awake.

"Alexa!" Mum screeched, running towards me in the bed, "You're alive. I knew you would live. You're strong."

I pulled away, my body hurting from her touch. I had tubes stuck everywhere in my body, I had a bandage over my head and my legs and my arms and a patch over one eye. I must have looked horrible right now.

"What's happened?" I croaked, trying to move.

"You were hit by a car not far from here." A doctor spoke, "We did some tests, you were intoxicated."

I nodded, looking at the doctor, "But...I'll...I'll be okay right?"

He exasperated, shaking his head slightly. Mum whimpered beside me, holding my lifeless hand. The doctor looked at me sympathetically, "I'm afraid to say Alexa, that your whole body was injured in the accident. Your hands and feet should be fine, but Alexa, your spine has been injured beyond repair." 

My tears tried to escape from my eyes, but they filled up in one eye. My spine was injured beyond repair? What does that even mean?

"This means you can no longer walk..." The doctor spoke, "And you must go through intense training to learn how to move your arms again. I'm sorry Alexa, I know you're so young."

"What were you doing so far from home baby?" Mum cried, pressing down on the hospital bed.

"I...I..I needed to get away. After today, I..I wanted to die and I got drunk at the park. I lost all feeling in the cold and...the road was solid. It was nice to lie down.." I cried, "I didn't think that..."

Mum shook her head, rubbing my arm and kissing my forehead, "But you're alive. And that's all I want."

"I didn't think this would happen. I didn't know what I was doing." I whimpered.

The doctor stared at me, we both knew I had fucked up. And I thought it couldn't get any worse..

✎✎✎

so i wanted to update you guys again today

this is pretty depressing honestly, but if i say there will be a happy ending will you guys be a little happier? ;)

but i love you guys

stay safe

also, moodymichael is a really rad person :)

loveeeeee youuuuuuuu

millie