Dangerous Letters

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Letter LI

March 19, 17--

Dear Sir. T—D-------,

How can I make amends for our late correspondence? Sir, I beg you know that if I loathe every false, groundless and spurious accusation and claim that I have made. I have been blinded to the truth; my ignorance astonishing. You have no cause to believe this sudden reversal, but I beg of you to find it in your heart to accept the sincerity of this apology.

I have left my Master's household under dire circumstances and will be at The -------- Tavern in P-------- from tonight until eleven o'clock. If there is any aid to solicit, any goodwill that has not been lost, I pray that you might help us. I would not ask if I were alone, but a child's life is at stake and I would put aside all pride and misery if it would help save her.

I hope to hear from you before we depart but, if we cannot communicate again, I thank you for the friendship you have shown – even when I have not deserved it – and wish you a happy and joyous life.

Yours sincerely,

Miss C---------- B----

Letter LII

Mar 18, 17--

Dear Hannah,

I am only now beginning to realise what an ill-fated endeavour this escape may be. However, Providence has delivered us safely thus far, and in better stead than I had cause to hope. My prayers for Mercy must go answered, for is it not the devil that chases at our heels? But you will not know any of what I mean, for my last letter has been lost to the walls of the Chateau where I stowed it for safekeeping; I was not able to retrieve it before we left and now pray to never return to that accursed place.

This, I think, another fortunate sign – I would not have wanted you to know the full extent of the horrors enclosed within. I can only think that best; the vice, the betrayal, the stain of murder and violence, can never be unseen or unknown. It is enough to say that he is a man of perverse and despicable interests and at least three, of those that I have confirmed, are tortured and dead by his hand. To think that I once looked at him with esteem, with deference, with love. Oh, how blind had been my eyes! How weak my conduct!

I feel almost the same; C--------- B--- who had been an ardent, expectant woman –almost a bride, is a cold, solitary girl again: her life is pale; her prospects are desolate. My newfound hopes all dead – struck with a subtle doom, such as, in one night, fell on all the first-born in the land of Egypt. I look on my cherished wishes, so lately blooming and glowing; now they lie as stark, chill, livid corpses that can never revive.

My love, that feeling which was my master's—which he had created; it shivers in my heart, like a suffering child in a cold cradle; sickness and anguish has seized it; it can never seek the Marquis' arms—it can no longer derive warmth from his breast. Oh, never more could it turn to him; for faith was blighted - confidence destroyed! I hate him. And hate myself more because I also do not.

We spoke one last time. It was this morning, and I had asked Madam L--- for the coach under the pretence of taking Villette to town as a celebratory occasion. We had a turn of weather and she protested against the plan, but I could not bear the thought of another day in those confines, feigning ignorance and so I insisted. Villette was also eager and between us even the formidable housekeeper was cowed (though she would never show it).

I should have known she relay this to the Marquis. I had hoped desperately to avoid him but out he came and spoke with all pretty indulgence; "my ladies shall certainly go to town"; "my ladies shall certainly have coin"; "my ladies shall certainly have two footmen at their disposal".