Dangerous Letters

Chapter Twenty-Six

Letter XLVIII

Mar 08, 17--

To Sir. T—D-------

I am reluctant to send even a note least it be taken as an apparent sign of encouragement given your behaviour today. I do not know what sentiment you found in my previous letter that would have made you think that such overtures were welcome but I must ask that you do not visit my current place of residence nor approach my employer again.

I wish you a swift recovery for the injuries that you sustained and hope with all my heart that you suffer little. I feel deep regret that you were hurt, but must warn that I will be unable to help should you take it upon yourself to return to my Master's home.

Please, I implore that you leave this province and do not seek to contact me again. Henceforth, if you write, I will not reply. If you come to call, I will not answer.

Sincerely,

C. B.

Letter XLIX

March 10, 17--

Dear Hannah,

You will see the evidence of my distress on these pages; already I have smudged the ink here with violent trembles – pray, forgive these marks, and the contents within this letter which shall undoubtedly disturb and appal.

To begin – I am engaged. It is not the cause for celebration you might have thought. I fear that I sent on yesterday's letter too hastily; Madam L--- arrived not long after I finished to collect the one for T—D------, and I provided her with both for the morning post. I hope that this one will not arrive too long after, for I tremble at the folly of my concluding words. It will undoubtedly be delayed, however; I need to determine a way of safely sending letters – but I shall explain further by relaying the events that have led to my agreement to a marriage with the master, and my decision that I must find whatever recourse available that will allow me to quit this place, and him, as soon as feasibly possible. There - I have worded this more satisfactorily than I thought myself capable. I will endeavour to continue this retelling with this same fortitude and practicality of mind that I must employ if I am to conceive of some possible avenue to escape this terrible misfortune.

In the hours following the conversation with the master last night, I paced the perimeter of the room until I had rehearsed a whole speech that should dissuade him from matrimony with one such as myself; formulating every possible objection – from our disparate status to the knowledge that I am inferior to him in more than just birth and eminence. Having persuaded at least myself and, I confess, miserably upset for it, I laid down to rest. Though I do not remember falling asleep, I must have for I had such dreams that were accompanied by deep-seated anxiety and gloomy melancholy such as are wholly incommunicable by words. I seemed to descend, not metaphorically, but literally to descend, into chasms and sunless abysses, depths below depths, from which it seemed hopeless that I could ever reascend. I cannot recall much of the spectacles I witnessed there, just the feeling of utter despondency, enough that those traces of torments made me sleep with clenched hands and awake suddenly with bloodied nails in my palms.

Out of bed once more, I immediately grasped my rosary and began to pray, as I have often done enough in this place, but the temporary solace did not last – I was interrupted by a tap-tap-tap on the window-pane. Fear overcame me; I dared no advance, dreading a thousand nameless evils that made me tremble as I waited for some dreaded spectre to come forth. None emerged at due length, and then the horrible tapping resumed, becoming a desperate scratching – I yelled at it to leave, bargained when it did not. Then I hauled the curtain back with such force that it half-collapsed and I had to shove the weight of the material forcibly aside with quaking hands. Suddenly, I was looking out at the familiar view on a particularly dark night, the stars obscured and the moon only a vague, luminous haze. There was no creature in sight. I threw open the casement, terror momentarily suspended by illogical rage at my helplessness in the face of the disturbance and leaned out – when my wrist was clasped by the fingers of an ice-cold hand!