Listen Before I Go

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⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️
This chapter describes depression and suicidal thoughts in a way that some might find triggering.

My hand is steady despite my throbbing heart. I am numb now.
I focus on typing out my reply, carefully and calmly.
'You wanted to know how I am doing? Here's the honest answer;
I'm not ok. I feel so scattered.
The only reason I'm telling you this now is to let you know that if you need me, or just want to see me, you better hurry. Because I'm leaving soon.
I know you're probably going to start apologizing, and that's not what I want. A simple sorry can't save me now. I'm not sure anything can.
I've been strong for a year, living in a dark place that's become almost physical, like a headache.
But I'm done now.
I'm done feeling like this. With feeling anything at all.
Tonight, I will go to the rooftop one last time. I will see the world, calm and peaceful, although I know full well that it is neither. And then I will finally leave it.
Call my friends and tell them that I love them, and I'll miss them.
But I'm not sorry.'

A/N I'm so glad that Billie doesn't feel like this very often anymore, and that she didn't choose to end her life.

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