"Just love her... Love will always win."
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong but rejoices in the...
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{this is a double update. if you haven't read chapter 7 pls scroll up and read. enjoy!}
LAWRENCE MUST be the worst person to ever walk on the grounds of this planet. What was he thinking? He must have a peanut sized brain which prevents him from thinking straight and therefore results to him making the worst decisions ever.
He paces back and forth in the empty lecture hall he just found after what he did. How could he be such a beast? How? He knows that it shouldnot matter, all that should matter is that he is helping his brother accomplish whatever insanity he is planning.
But it is the look in her eyes when he held her back. The way her body tensed when she heard his tone and the way she was scared but trying to hold it together.
As if this has actually happened to her before.
What if it has and Lawrence caused her to relieve a traumatic event? He curses, a string of colorful words escaping his lips each more colorful than the last. She must hate him. No, that is an understatement. She must loathe him.
Why does it matter anyway?
It matters because this is his moral compass. Doing what Collins wants him to do is causing him to deviate from the path that his moral compass is pointing him to. Why would Collins put him in such a place? No, the real question should be, why did he do it? Why did he dig this hole for himself?
He should just go and talk to Collins.
No, he should go back to Hope and apologize to her. He should say that maybe he confused her with someone else or something, as long as it has an apology in it.
Yes, that would be the right thing to do. Lawrence picks his backpack from the floor and goes to stand up but immediately stops. He promised Collins that he would do this for him and knowing Collins, he will be very angry if Lawrence goes back on his word.
Would Hope even forgive him? God knows that he wouldn't forgive himself.
Lawrence lets out a frustrated groan, burying his head in his hands and then he releases his locs, letting them fall down on his face.
The feeling is surreal and for a moment there, he feels like a bird whose cage has been opened, finally made free to fly; and that's what he does. Lawrence shakes his head, feeling the weight of the locs hitting his face in rapid succession and he never wants to stop. But he has to because in the process of floating freely like a leaf in a swimming pool, he spots a figure standing at the hall's entrance gaping at him.
The guy starts walking towards him in all his lean glory and immediately, Lawrence goes to wrap his hair with his rubber band. It is almost like a primal instinct. An action he doesn't need to think of but only take. It should sadden him that hiding himself and pretending to be his brother comes like second nature—or rather first nature —to him but he doesn't have time to think about that as he gathers his locs.
"Don't," the guy says as he sits beside Lawrence.
Lawrence narrows his eyes suspiciously at the guy, deciding to ignore him and carry on with the action.
"Your locs look really healthy Lawrence, you should let them down often." The guy shrugs, speaking in such a casual manner that it irks the hell out of Lawrence.
He cannot, for the life of him, figure out why the fact that this guy knows he is not Collins but Lawrence irks him. This is what he has always wanted, is it not? To be seen outside the shadow of twinhood. To be seen outside the umbrella that Collins has held over him for the past years—or rather, the umbrella he has kept himself under all his life.
But the irritation that arises in him is incomparable to any emotion he has felt lately, save for the guilt that has currently carpeted his heart. But could his irritation be masking a feeling that he doesn't want to admit out loud?
No, Lawrence, stop with the overthinking and overanalysis. He chides himself.
"Who the hell are you?"
"Ndavi, you are in my Economics class." The guy says as if that is supposed to explain anything. Lawrence, being an Economics major himself, shares a lot of common classes with a lot of people who are in his faculty.
"Great," Lawrence says coldly. He finches when he feels the frostiness coating his words and the feeling transports his thoughts back to Hope. What does she think now? Are the wheels in her head trying to work themselves to oblivion trying to figure out what he wants from her? He shakes his head, willing the thoughts to go away and then he gathers his backpack, together with his emotions. "If you don't mind, there's somewhere I should be."
"Sure," Ndavi smiles. His smile is so warm it makes Lawrence's cheeks itch to smile too but instead he bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself. "See you tomorrow, Lawrence."
Why does Lawrence feel like Ndavi's last statement has a double meaning? What is wrong with him and why is he looking into things trying to search for underlying meanings?
Another groan escapes him as he exists the room, feeling the guy's gaze x-raying his back. He is left to wonder whether the guy's good-natured demeanor irks him because it places him on an introspective spotlight. Lawrence has never had a problem being on the spotlight. As a Muriithi himself, that has been his entire life. He was born in the spotlight. But for some reason, this Ndavi guy does not seem to be intimidated by that. Infact, he seems to be probing deeper, causing Lawrence himself to run an introspective gaze inwards.
He just wants to stop probing. To stop digging through the layers despite the satisfaction it brings him.
But maybe, just maybe, if he was not so busy pretending to be Collins, he would notice that at the core of his being, he is someone who observes and tries to break through all the layers in order to get to the bottom of everything. Maybe he would embrace what he has always wanted instead of running from it. Maybe he would embrace being seen.
Maybe he would embrace the ethereal feeling of freedom whenever he lets down his locs. Maybe he would realize what it truly was. The feeling of being seen. Maybe he would recognize it as the same feeling he experienced when Ndavi called him by name even though they'd never met... almost as if he could see Lawrence outside the shadow of twinhood.
Oh, maybe.
𓂺𓂺𓂺𓂺𓂺𓂺𓂺𓂺𓂺𓂺𓂺𓂺𓂺
«thanks y'all for reading. Pls vote, comment, share and recommend. I love you all and I hope y'all are holding up well.
also, which country are you reading from? what's the time there? I'd love to know!
shout out to a friend of mine who helped me out with a paragraph that was proving difficult to word.
