The Remembering (Alex Gaskarth Fanfiction)

47. Neverland

Chapter 47 – Neverland

        With having good relations with the rest of the boys created a better energy at school and uplifted the dread of needing to attend school. Of course, I oh so wanted to be home and watch television instead of getting a better education, which I call bullshit on.

       I had been in school for 14 years, including kindergarten and being held back, and not once have I learned how to buy a house or know how to budge anything.

       Graduation was coming up and despite Alex consistently telling me we can stay kids forever and live in never land, I had to grow up. It was mandatory and inevitable whether I liked it or not.

     Nonstop I've been studying for tests and trying to reach a perfect all straight A's for the last quarter of the year. It was stressful and Alex even tried to push me away from my books at one point. He didn't understand. He had his band; he had his future. I didn't. Having a disability already put me less qualified for a job or an acceptance to a university of my dream.

      My mute disability was going to end me on the streets. How was I going to communicate with co-workers and other things around me? It terrified me.

         Sure, I've been just fine without having to speak in school and public surroundings, but that was the only beginning. Derek and my father won't be my security blanket for too long and there was going to be days were Alex will be off touring, what would I do then?

     Sighing, I tuned into the conversation around the lunch table.

   "...and there will be an after party. Matt's bringing the weed." Jack explained.

       They had another gig tonight and planned to go to the after party. They were excited for it. They were opening up for a more popular band from Baltimore. It was expected to have at least three hundred fans to come see them.

        Plus, All Time Low's Myspace page just reached over 1,000 friends, which was the talk of the school. Students and peers were finally starting to realize what they had in front of them; an upcoming band that was going places.

      "Laila, do you want me to pick you up?" Alex said into my ear, offering for me to see them perform.

       I shrugged at the offer and played with my lunch with my fork. I had my arm prompt on the table with it supporting my cheek. I was exhausted from school and just about everything in my life.

       I wanted to support his band, but I had to draw the line somewhere. I had homework and a future that was looking dark. Alex, who pouted his lips, didn't get it at all. His future was bright while I sat here as a failure; a failure with selective mutism.

       Better yet, was I even in Alex's future? Were we going to last forever? Forever was stupid. I despised the couples at my school who had the boyfriend that filled his girlfriend with lies, the 'we'll be together forever' was bullshit. Never date a guy who promises a forever. They probably don't understand the whole dying thing and don't know that something can easily happen in a finger snap. They won't cherish you every day as if it's the last.

   "Come on, Lai, it'll be fun." Alex tried to persuade me further, nudging me with his shoulder.

       His hand landed on my thigh suddenly. Furrowing my eyebrows, my eyes locked at his, questioning where the hell he was going with this.

        Today, I decided to wear a skirt, which was bold of me to do. I hadn't worn a skirt at all this school year and today was the worse day to wear one.