Misanthrope

24

Knowing you have to do something no matter how much you don't want to do it is one of the shittiest feelings.

"You can do it, I promise" Chase encourages me.

Logan, Chase, Milo and I are currently sitting in my car in the school carpark.

"It's one day. Just one and then we have Halloween break for two weeks" Logan urges.

"You've gotten so far already. I know you can do it" he continues to encourage me.

It's been a week since the incident.

I haven't been to school but I have been preparing for today by going on short walks into slightly populated areas and going on trips for groceries.

I would have stayed away from school for longer but I really cannot risk losing my chance to attend college from my already shitty attendance.

"Okay" I breath out hesitantly and step out of the open car door.

I can feel everyone's stare on me as I walk into school. None of them know what happened at the party but I heard that word spread fast about the leather jacket incident.

"Just ignore them" Logan whispers into my ear.

I have been crashing at his ever since Chase's parents came home. He sleeps on the couch while I take his bed. His orders.

We haven't really talked about us per say, I have been focusing on being okay in public and he has been trying to help me.

We haven't spoken about the shower incident either, or the night I asked him to stay in the same bed as me.

Some things are better left unsaid. At least for a certain amount of time.

Those are some of those things.

I nod gently and let out a sigh of relief once we get to my locker.

I gather my books and equipment for my first few classes. I have double art with Logan first so that will be easier.

In art Logan sat next to me at the table at the back of the left hand side of the classroom. I could feel people in my class glancing at me but I tried to ignore it as best as I could.

There was an overwhelming amount of testosterone in the room but I kept telling myself I had to say strong.

Not for someone else. For me.

I have realised lately that me trying to do shit for other people just makes me feel worse in the end if I fail.

So, instead of telling myself I was going into school for Logan and Chase today, I told myself it was for me and my future in college.

The first half of school was uneventful. I spent the day ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of being around so many people, so many boys, and focused on my work instead, for the first time in my life.

At lunch, walking through the crowded halls made my breath catch in my throat a little. I could feel people's stares burning into my back.

The discomfort continued until Chase, Logan, Milo and I all made it to our secluded table in the library.

"How are you feeling?" Logan questions in a low voice, for only me to hear.

He wasn't in my last class, Chase was so I understand why he's worried.

"I'm okay. Just can't wait until today is over" I reply.

He nods in understanding and focuses his attention on the conversation Chase and Milo are having but I know it doesn't have his full attention.