I feel Corbyn rub my back and kiss my forehead as I wake up. I remember what happened last night when I realize we're both completely naked. I lift my head and look at him. We smile at each other. He brushes a strand of my hair behind my ear and puts his hand on my cheek. "Are you ready for today?" He asked. I sigh. Mood ruined. Not that I would've stayed happy anyways. I sit up and stretch; corbyn does the same. I look down at my hands and think about today. Jenna's funeral. "It's okay to be nervous." Corbyn said as he rubs my back. I shrug my shoulders. "If I go to the funeral...it becomes real." I said with a shaky voice. He kisses my shoulder. "I know." He said, sympathetically. My stomach starts to turn from how nervous and scared I am. I put on the sweatpants and t-shirt from yesterday as Corbyn watches me. "I'll be there with you the whole time. I promise." Corbyn said. I feel the chunks in my throat start to rise as I start to feel nauseous. I run to the bathroom, covering my mouth with my hand, and puke in the toilet. I must be sick because I never throw up from being nervous. "Riley, are you okay?" Corbyn said as he walks into the bathroom. "Yeah." I said as I finish. I flush the toilet and stand up, walking over to the sink to look in the mirror above it. I look horrible. I sigh and walk out of the bathroom and back into corbyns room. He follows me as I lay on his bed. "You going back to sleep?" He asked me. I nod as I close my eyes. He rubs my back. "Okay. I'll tell everyone you'll be down in a few hours." Corbyn said. "Okay." I mumbled. I feel him kiss my forehead before he walks out of the room.
I wake up to the sun shining in my face through the blinds. I groan and rub my eyes. I look at the time and see that it's 1:30. The funeral starts at 2:00 so I should start getting ready. I change into a black dress and do my makeup. Then I do my hair and put on black and white vans. I walk out of corbyns room and go downstairs. I don't see anyone. They must've left without me. My sister is dead and they left without me. "Hey." I hear. I turn around and see corbyn. "You look nice." He said as he walks over to me and kisses me. "Where is everyone?" I asked. "They're at the funeral home, greeting everyone before it starts. I told them I would stay here to wake you up. I was just about to." He said. I nod as I walk into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. "You feeling better?" He asked. I shrug as I take a sip. "Well, we should get going." He said. "Okay." I said as we walk outside and get in the car. Corbyn drives us to the funeral home and we get out of the car. "I'm scared." I said before we walk in. Corbyn grabs my hand. "I know. I'll be here the whole time so tell me if you have to leave or anything." He said. I nod and we walk in. I see Jonah's mom talking to people and wiping her tears with a tissue. I see svea, Esther, Ashley, and some of Jenna's friends sitting together and talking. The friend that came to the why don't we concert with me and Jenna is talking to zach, jack, Daniel, and Jonah. She's crying and hugging them every 5 seconds. I think she's crying because she loves them and because she wishes Jenna were here to introduce her and stuff. Because they would have sleepovers every weekend and obsess over them. I smile at the thought of that. They made Jenna so happy, even before they knew her. "Oh, Riley. I am so sorry." A lady said as she puts her hands on my cheeks. She's probably one of my moms friends, well, ex friends. My mom lost all her friends because they couldn't stand to hang out with her anymore. "Riley." I hear. I turn around and see another lady. But this time, I recognize her. It's Jenna's teacher. She was the only one who believed Jenna when she told her our mom was beating her. She told the police but they didn't do anything. She would always give Jenna rides home from school because my mom wouldn't do it and I couldn't do it cause I had school. She gives me a hug. "I can't believe it. I just...I can't believe it." She said as she starts to cry. She stops hugging me and I take a deep breath, trying not to cry. "Me neither." I said. "Oh, you're so brave. Call me anytime. I'm always here." She said. "Thanks." I said. "The funeral is about to start. Let's sit." Corbyn said. "I'll see you later." I said to Jenna's teacher. She smiles through the tears as me and corbyn walk away. In the beginning of a funeral, you're supposed to say something to the body. Well, you don't have to but it's nice to. Me and corbyn walk towards her casket. My heart starts racing and I start shaking. I grab corbyns hand really tight and stop. He stops too. "Hey. It's okay." He said, rubbing my back. "I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can let go; say goodbye." I said. "You can do it. You're the strongest person I know. Jenna would want you to say goodbye." He said. I take a deep breath and nod. We start, slowly, walking towards the casket again. Everyone notices and looks my way. I see that everyone is looking but all I can focus and care about is Jenna, right there in front of me, dead. We get up to the casket and I see Jenna wearing that purple dress I got her for her birthday this year. It was a little expensive but it was worth it cause she loved it. She wore it once a week. Her hair is curled like she liked it and she's wearing mascara and eyeshadow. I never let her because she was always too young but I should've. She looks absolutely beautiful. Her skin is very pale and there's no cuts or bruises on her face. My eyes fill up with tears and I feel my throat start to tighten up. "Oh my god." I said as I squeeze corbyns hand and start to cry. I see that he's trying so hard not to cry, for me. I put my hand on Jenna's. Her hands are always warm so it's weird feeling her hands cold. "Jenna...Jenna, I love you so much. I'm so sorry this happened to you. But I know you're okay up there. And I'll see you again, I promise." I said as I sob. "Love you, Jenna." Corbyn said to her before we walk away. I cry so hard that I feel like passing out. "Let's go sit somewhere." Corbyn said as he sees everyone looking at me, feeling sorry for me. We go to the area with all the food and sit down on a bench thing. "Take deep breathes." He said, calmly. "I can't." I cried. He wraps his arm around me and I lay my head on his shoulder, crying hard like when I first found out Jenna was dead. People walk past me as they get their food and rest their hand on my shoulder. Each for a second before walking away, leaving me to grieve on my own. "I can't go up and speak. Not like this." I cried. "You'll be okay. Do you want me to go up there with you?" Corbyn asked. I shake my head, no and sit up, looking at him as I stop crying. He looks at me sympathetically. He grabs a tissue and starts wiping the tears from under my eyes. "Is my makeup ruined?" I asked. "No. Not that you need it." He said. I smile as another tear falls down my cheek. The tissue Corbyn's dabbing on my face catches it and then he throws it away. "Hey. Are you ready? It's about to start." Jack said as he walks over to us. "Yeah." Corbyn said as we stand up, still holding hands. I see the boys behind him. Zach puts his hand on my shoulder as we walk into the area where the casket is and where we'll all be sitting. The priest starts to quote something from the Bible as I look down at the floor, not wanting to look at Jenna or I'll cry again. Before I know it, i hear my name. I look up at see everyone looking at me. "Do you wanna say a few kind words?" The priest asked over the microphone. I nod and stand up. I look at corbyn and he nods, supportingly, as he lets go of my hand. I walk up on stage and look at everyone. "All these people are here because they love my sister; but no one loves her more than me. I've always been like a mother to her, growing up. I've always taken care of her and helped her with things like her homework or given her advice when she needed it." I said. I pause for a second because I don't want to cry. "She might have said a few times that I saved her life but...the truth is...she saved mine." I said with a shaky voice. I watch as everyone cries. They all know mine and Jenna's story about how my mom was an abusive drunk. "I just want to say...don't ever take people for granted because you never know if the last time you see them is the last time. So hug and kiss the people you love because in one split second, they could be taken away from you." I said as I stop getting choked up. I look at Jenna's casket and see her laying there. "Jenna...my beautiful girl...I love you so much. We always argued about who loves each other more and I always let you win but, the truth is, you would've never won that argument if I haven't let you." I said. Everyone laughs and cries at the same time. "Thank you." I said as I finish my speech. I hear people sobbing as I walk off the stage and sit down next to corbyn. There's tears falling down my face as I lay my head on his shoulder and he gives me a hug. "That was so good." He said. His eyes are all red and puffy, I can tell he was crying. He gives me a peck on the lips and we listen to everyone else speak.
When we get home, everyone sits on the couch in silence. I look around but I don't see corbyn. He must've gone upstairs as soon as we got home. "I'm gonna go upstairs." I said. "Okay." Corbyns mom said. I walk upstairs and see that corbyns door to his room is closed. I knock and then open it. "Corbyn?" I asked. I walk in and see him laying down. There's tears on his face and his cheeks are really red. He looks at me and then starts balling. I walk over to the bed and sit down next to him. He sits up and I hug him for a really long time as sobs. "It's okay. I miss her too." I said as I rub his back. We stop hugging and he looks at me. "It's okay." I said, sympathetically. I wipe his tears with my finger and he stops crying. I realized in that moment that it's hard for other people too; not just me. I feel bad for snapping at everyone now. I have to think of everybody else, not just myself. I put my hand on corbyns cheek and he looks at me. "I'm sorry I've been so hard on you." I said. "It's okay. I understand." He said. "No, it's not okay. I'm not the only one who lost Jenna. We all did." I said. He nods and I give him a kiss. "I love you. So damn much. More than anything." I told him. He smiles. "I love you more. Riley, I love you so much more." He said. Then he kisses me. I've never loved anyone more than I love him. I was stupid to let him go. "You're so fucking cute." I said. He laughs and kiss attacks my face. I laugh. "Alright, lets go downstairs." He said. We get up and go downstairs. I see everyone playing a board game and smiling, having fun and actually being happy since Jenna died. I realized there's no point in being sad forever. She's gone and she's not coming back. Plus, she would want me to be happy. Or at least try. "Wanna play?" Svea asked me and corbyn. I smile and nod.
