Assuagement

Chapter 12: Home (2)

What should I tell them? I looked at all of their faces. They were all looking at me expectantly and it was becoming really uncomfortable. I was embarrassed as well as anxious.


You know sometimes it hard to let the people who are close to you know the real you. Because you know the way they’ll see you after that will change from that point onwards.....

My parents were looking at me with such sad eyes. I looked at all of them and there was pity in their eyes. I remember Joe's eyes they were so scary when I confronted him earlier today. He thought I was just selfish didn’t he? Thinking about him is already starting to tear me up.

Where should I start telling them? I mean Joe’s confession had a lot of content. So, I am confused about from where to begin? I looked at V and he just gave me an encouraging smile and nodded his head then I looked at mom she took a long breath and gripped my hand.

“It’s okay sweety...tell us what happened.” My mom told me holding my face in her hands and wiping my tears. I didn’t even realize I had started crying at this point.

“Mom, do you think I’m selfish?” I asked her. The question that has been bothering me since Joe had told me that I’m toxic. I wanted to know if he was right but at the same time I just wanted to hear her say no.

No you’re not selfish is what i needed to hear right now. Coz apparently that’ll make me less selfish won’t it? If I’m not selfish how will I be a toxic person.

“Honey, you’re not selfish but you are very stubborn.” My dad said looking at me. But, before I could grab the look in his face, he turned away from me.What does he mean by stubborn?

“Yeah you’re like a bull...you have to get what you want otherwise you won’t step aside.” My mom said patting my back. Am i stubborn??

It was like though she was talking about my bad quality. She said it in such soft voices that I melted in her arms. I don’t care even if i am stubborn or selfish or even for a fact toxic. I don’t even want to know anymore. I wish i could care less like this maybe it is because  mom’s hugging me tightly, her arms are so safe right now, so peaceful I want to forget this day and stay here.

“Marge!! Honey, what happened exactly?” Dad asked me looking straight in my eyes expectantly.


I can’t face him right now so I snuggled more in my mom’s arms. Hiding my face is the only option I have right now. I don’t want to say anything and they keep looking at me. My mom kept patting me on my back. I was hiccupping and speaking now seemed so much harder. My eyes felt so puffy and I can’t see anything clearly.

I lifted my face to speak but with all the hiccupping and those shivers, it isn’t helping me speak. I wanna tell them so much, but I am so overwhelmed by everything that happened today.

When I start thinking about what Joe told me, it always leaves me with a question about what should I do from now on? But, is it really a good idea to tell them? What if my family stand against me? What if i become a toxic person to them as well??

The tears kept on dropping from my cheeks and I can taste the metallic salty taste of my tears. I wiped them away with a weak effort.

“You asked me to be here to give you advice, didn’t you??” V asked and I nodded not looking at his face because I need to stop these tears if i want to speak now.

“Then tell us what the happened so we can give you some advice and get it over with. How long are you gonna cry like this? Is it gonna solve anything??”I faced an angry looking Jane and saw V nodding too from side of my eyes.

She was trying her best to not scream at me because of my parents!! If it weren’t for them, she would be screaming profanities at me.

“I... Uhhh...i don’t know where to start this...” I really don’t know what should I start saying first? Maybe I should not tell them everything!! Or should I tell from first about what happened. I kept contemplating on thoughts of either I should tell the whole truth, but what if they'll tell me to not go after Joe?? I want them to be with me on this...