Untouch me. |Starring Adam Levine|

Part 19.

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It felt as a miracle, but my performance on The Voice went pretty good. The coaches were all satisfied with my performance, and congratulated Adam on receiving such good results with me. All we had to do now was wait for America to vote.

Of course I was nervous for the voting, but I was –if possible- even more nervous for what was about to happen if the intern who saw Adam hold me and kiss the top of my head would tell on us. He could go to the media so easily. I was sitting in my dressing room, waiting for Adam to come and speak to me about everything. A lot of the contestants went home already, and I felt as if when it would take Adam a lot longer to come and talk to me, I wouldn’t have any fingernails left. I was far beyond the point of being nervous.

Adam didn’t knock, but just walked in and sat down in the chair opposite of the couch I was sitting on. No kiss, no hug, no hello.

“We should be extra careful.” he said. I sat back and sighed. We should have been careful when I told him before. It could be too late now.

“Who says that guy isn’t going to talk?” I asked him. “Voice coach Adam Levine dates stolen contestant” I said quietly. “I can see the headlines on the magazines already.”

Adam sighed and looked at me, his eyes never leaving mine. Even though I felt as if I was dying from anxiety, I could still feel the butterflies in my stomach fluttering around when I looked into his brown eyes.

“We’ll just have to hope for the best.” He finally said. “He was an intern, I don’t think he wants to put his career in danger.”

“I don’t think so either, but they will pay him good money for the news, and probably won’t even mention his name in the articles. It will take months before the rumor has blown over.”

Tears were welling up in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, but I felt as powerless as I had ever felt.

“Maybe we should just call it quits.” I blurted out. Adam’s eyes shot up at me from the spot on the floor he was looking at. He seemed to be thinking for a while.

He took a deep breath before speaking. “If that’s what you really want, it’s your choice. I don’t want to be a burden to your career. But I’m willing to take the risk.”

A lonely tear escaped from the corner of my eye. My mind told me it was the right thing to do. We should put all this secrecy behind us and move on in an utterly professional way. We shouldn’t be putting so many things at stake because we couldn’t keep our clothes on and kept talking to each other until 3 AM. We should be able to put the actual name of our partner in the contact lists of our phones, not Noah and Cath (our middle names, mine coming from Catherine). How long would it take for The Voice to be over and before we would be able to walk outside while holding hands without us putting so many things at risk? No, I knew very well what the right thing to do was.

Making decisions would be so much easier if I didn’t have a heart to take into consideration. I knew I couldn’t just throw everything over board. My heart was aching for Adam even while he was sitting right in front of me. And sure, we both needed a relationship we could be ourselves in, without lying to the whole damn world. But was it worth giving up what we had, only to hope we would get over each other and would find something that was only remotely close to what we had at this very moment?