Belle's p.o.v
I wake up the next day at 8:00am. I'm really glad that I start holidays today but that means I'm going to be really bored. I should ask Lizzy and Emma if they want to hang out. We could go shopping. That sounds fun. A girls day.
Maybe not. I'll just stay stay home and watch movies. Maybe even bake a cake!
"Are you sure you want that? It's going to go straight to your thighs and hips and you don't need anymore weight around there"
No! I don't need cake. I'm fat and useless, just what Bec said and what everyone else thinks.
I head to the lounge room so I can put on a movie to watch. I'm unsure on what to choose. Maybe a romantic one? Or comedy? I might put on a sad romantic one. Like the vow. That's it, I'm watching the vow so I can cry by myself and let the tears roll down my cheek.
Halfway through the the movie and I'm still not crying. Usually I ball my eyes out but for some reason I'm not. Maybe it's because I feel numb.
Once the movie is done I think about going for a shower and getting changed out of my pj's. But then I remember how comfy they are so I leave it. I'm really hungry, my stomach keeps growling but I know I shouldn't have anything. I don't need it. The vow is almost finished and I'm thinking about another movie I could watch. The fault in our stars? Stuck in love? I've never seen stuck in love. How about safe haven? I love movie, I love how it's got a twist in the end. That's it! I'm going to watch safe haven. I press play and start to watch the movie.
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After watching about 4 more movies I stop. Bec and Dad will be leaving soon and I should say goodbye when they do. Dad comes out of the shower and I'm wondering why he is getting ready so early, it's only 3:05pm. "Belle, Bec and I aren't leaving at 5 anymore, we are leaving at 4, we have some friends that we are catching up with. I'm sorry your going to be by yourself"
"It's okay dad" I like my own company sometimes. I like being alone but I don't like feeling lonely. Bec has a shower after dad. Dad dresses in a really nice suit, this place must be fancier than I thought. Bec comes out in a long black dress with a split up her leg. It looks very expensive. I would say she looks lovely if she wasn't such a bitch towards me. She does look lovely though, she is definitely a lot skinner than me. Prettier than me and smarter than me. "Right, we are going now. We'll be back around midnight, bye Belle" Dad walks out the door and I thought Bec was going to as well but she says to me, "are you going to go for a run?"
"No?"
"Oh okay, I just thought you would with all the weight you've gained. You really need to start watching what you eat Belle, your weight is a concern" what? She walks out the door like nothing just happened. I stand there at the door frozen and when they leave tears start falling down my face and I run to my room. I go straight to my bottom draw and find my blade, I promised myself I wouldn't do this again but I can't keep that promise. I drag the blade across my skin applying pressure. The first cut isn't deep but the second one gets deeper. I deserve this, I deserve every drop of blood coming from my wrist. The third cuts is deeper but I don't flinch like I use to. I'm use to feeling like this. Numb.
My hands and wrist are covered in blood but this, this pain, it isn't enough. I need more. I need not to be here.
I head to the bathroom with blood dripping down my wrist. I think about not doing this but I want to. I need to. I open up the cupboard door and grab the sleeping pills that I use to take when I couldn't get to sleep. I've thought about doing this before but I don't know what stopped me. Well nothing is stopping me now.
I go back to room with the sleeping pills in my right hand and a paper and pen in the other hand. I sit down on my bed and write. I'm writing this to the person I love most, to the person who could of saved me. But I can't rely on other people. The not is long, I didn't want to make it this long but I have. I stare at the pill bottle and then stare at the time. It's 5 already. I go back to looking at the pill bottle and I don't hesitate to open it. I have trouble opening it but when I final get it open I grab the first pill and swallow it. I think for a moment, should I do this? But then Bec's words play in my head.
"You look chunky"
"You should just stick with water"
"Are you sure you want that? It's going to go straight to your thighs and hips and you don't need anymore weight around there"
"Oh okay, I just thought you would with all the weight you've gained. You really need to start watching what you eat Belle, your weight is a concern"
They hurt more in my head, but they hurt much worse when I know it's true.
I think about the pills and now my body is going to reject them but throwing them up. But my body won't reject then if I grind them.
I grab the grinder from the kitchen and put 5 pills in there and grind them. I take the powder to my room and sit down. I stare and them for a good 10 minutes before deciding if I want to do this or not.
A/N: sorry guys if this was bad or sad or whatever. Don't blame me for their mistakes, blame the characters. I'm sorry that this is short but I just want to keep you guys in suspense. The books is ending soon so make sure you vote and tell me what you thought of it. MWAH x
