Mine (Destiel)

Insomnia

Insomnia: the inability to sleep. I must have that. I swear that is exactly what I have. I tried to explain to my parents but I can never remember the word.

"I have the disorder where you can't sleep. It starts with an I." It's cute when you're three. Not so much when you're seventeen.

I can't explain it either. I've heard of restlessness because of love but I'm not in love. No one loves me and no one ever will. That's just how life is.

I feel almost numb at night and I don't know why. Whenever I try to sleep, my head just fills with all the ways I've messed up in my life.

When I try to sleep I remember stupid things that happened in second grade but when I wake up I can't even remember the word insomnia. I just feel stupid.

This night, was different. I kept seeing Dean's olive green eyes in the back of my mind. I saw his strong arms and muscular shoulders.

I saw a man who I barely knew, a man I'd only met once. Yet, I couldn't get him out of my head.

Dean was beautiful in every way possible but I knew that there was no possibility in all of creation that he would even speak to me.

I wondered things about him. I had only heard him talk once or twice but when I did hear, it was beautiful.

He seemed rough and tough but today it seemed as if I was seeing another side of him. In the five seconds that we spent looking at each other, I saw someone else.

He seemed gentle and kind. He seemed like the kind of person who might give a shit about other people. Then we broke eye contact and I knew that I was only seeing what I wanted to see.