The Universe and Beyond

Universe 29: Home

ZEN

"We have to go back home," I say and immediately help him to get up and walk to the passenger seat of the pickup. He chuckles but he's already walking out of focus. I'm a little afraid that he'll suddenly lose consciousness. I tuck him in the blanket when he already settled in the passenger seat.

"Hold on, alright?" mahinang saad ko at mariin kong pinahid ang mga luha sa pisngi ko. "You'll get better."

Isinara ko ang pinto at nagmamadaling umupo sa driver's seat. Binuhay ko ang makina at nagmamadaling pinaandar ang sasakyan.

"Zen, the colors are starting to fade," mahinang saad niya.

Nakagat ko ang labi ko habang pinipigilan ko ang pag-iyak. "The colors won't fade. You can't fade." Bahagyang sumulyap ako sa kanya. Nakasandal ang ulo niya sa salamin ng sasakyan. He's looking at me with a smile.

"I'm a little sleepy but I don't want to forget your face," paos na saad niya.

Muli kong itinuon ang paningin sa daan. My tears are spilling once again. "Then don't sleep. Don't sleep yet. We'll be home soon," malakas na saad ko. "And I still haven't said the things I want to say. You still need to hear that!"

"What do you want to say? Let me hear it now," he says as he let out a low chuckle.

Mariin kong nakagat ang labi bago naglabas ng malalim na hininga. "Alright. I will say it. Just don't sleep now. You have to listen. You're the most amazing person I've ever meet."

"Well, because you're still not old enough. You'll meet more amazing people in this lifetime," he lowly commented.

Masamang tingin ang ipinukol ko sa kanya. "Don't ruin it!"

He chuckles hoarsely. "Alright. Speak. Continue."

Muli kong itinuon ang pansin sa daan. I don't want to be haunted by the words I haven't said so I'm speaking up. I can't miss this chance. I softly release all the thoughts and words I keep inside me. "You're talented. I love how you painted me. I love how you gave a new meaning to me in that painting. I love how you make me smile. I love those late night talks with you. I'm always looking forward to see you, to talk to you, to paint with you. I want to paint you because you're someone I don't want to forget. You make me love art again. You're the sun I want to see in my rainy days. I love everything about you. So please don't leave. I know I'm being selfish. But I want to pray and ask God to let you stay. I don't want Him to take you away from me. I love you, Rozend." Binigyan ko siya ng mabilis na sulyap. He's smiling at me with teary eyes. But I can see that he's totally happy with what I've said.

"I love you too, Zen," he says full of raw emotions. "You said two stars can be reborn as one. So I'm going give you my heart and let it live inside you. This is still a happy ending, right? We are meant to be – even for a short while."

Tears spill from my eyes. I'm glad that he loves me too, that the feeling is mutual but I don't think the situation we are in is comforting. This confession doesn't ease the pain. This confession just makes everything painful – it is harder to let go. "Are we really a hopeless case?"

"We aren't," mahinang sagot niya. "Because we've been happy even for a short while."

Wala sa sariling ngumiti ako sa kanya. He's right. We've been happy. Everything that happened is worth it. Everything we experienced together is worthwhile. "We're almost home. Just one kilometer away," mahinang saad ko. Nang sulyapan ko siya, malapit ng pumikit ang mga mata niya.

He let out a final, bright smile. "Don't worry, Zen. I'll wake up. Just a bit slow. It might take a whole lifetime for you but I will wake up. When you get home, just look for my Mom and Dad, they know what to do. I'll wake up slow. I love you and goodnight, my universe. See you beyond," mahinang saad niya. He finally closes his eyes and I can only cry in tears while racing back on the way home.

Nang makarating ako sa harap ng bahay nila, sinubukan kong tawagin si Rozend pero hindi siya natinag sa mahimbing niyang tulog. Bumusina pa ako sa harap ng bahay nila pero hindi siya nagising. Agad na bumaba ako at nag-doorbell. Gulat na lumabas ang mga magulang ni Rozend at nakitang hilam ako sa luha.

"Si Rozend po... I can't wake him up..." nag-aalalang saad ko at itinuro ko ang kinaroroonan ni Rozend.

Agad na gumalaw ang ama niya. He's always the strong front. Tila ba sanay na siya at alam na niya ang gagawin. Napansin ko naman ang namuong luha sa mga mata ni Tita Rina na agad pumasok sa loob upang tawagin si Shanty. Nagising din sa ingay ang mga magulang ko kaya lumabas din sila ng bahay. Tumulong si Papa na ilipat ng sasakyan si Rozend. It seems they don't have time to call the ambulance anymore. Nagmamadaling umalis ang pamilya ni Rozend kasama si Shanty.

I don't even have the chance to say goodbye as I watch their car disappear from my eyes.

"Are you alright, Zen?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Papa nang makaalis sila.

Humagulgol ako nang marinig ko ang tanong niya. Agad akong yumakap nang mahigpit sa kanya. "I'm sorry, Papa. I'm sorry we ran away somewhere without telling you. Pero si Rozend. I don't know he's sick. I don't know he's dying. I want him to survive. I want him to be saved."

His strong arms try to comfort me and hug me back. "Everything will be alright. You have to believe. Everything has a reason, remember?"

Nag-aalalang lumapit sa 'min si Mama at hinaplos niya nang marahan ang buhok ko. "Let's talk about this in the morning, Zen. Alam kong pagod ka na. You must sleep."

But I don't think I can still sleep. Or maybe I can cry myself to sleep.

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