ZEN
"So why are you crying?" tanong ni Rozend nang lumingon siya sa 'kin. Matiim siyang nakatitig sa mga mata ko. I'm not sure why but there's something different in him. Did he lose weight or something? But his caramel eyes are still bright as before and his smiles are still the widest. O siguro naninibago lang ako dahil matagal ko rin siyang hindi nakita?
Natigilan ako nang magaan niyang pinunasan ang luha sa gilid ng mga mata ko.
"What's up? Ano'ng gumugulo sa 'yo?" tanong pa niya nang hindi ako agad sumagot.
Mas humigpit ang pagyakap ko sa mga tuhod ko. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya nang ibaba niya ang kamay niya. Matiim akong tumitig sa bonsai tree.
"Why can't some people just stay in our lives?" mahinang tanong ko.
Hindi niya agad sinagot ang tanong ko pero alam kong nakatingin pa rin siya sa 'kin. "Maybe they're just stopping by."
"Then are you just stopping by?" tanong ko pero natatakot ako sa isasagot niya. Because if he's just stopping by then I will miss him when he's gone. And I will envy the place where he will go next.
Malalim na nagpakawala ng hininga si Rozend bago siya sumagot. "I am. But this is my last stop."
What does he mean by that? Kunot-noong tiningnan ko siya. "Is that a good thing?"
Ngumiti siya sa 'kin. "It depends. For me it's a good one. Because I meet you on this stop."
"You're still too young to consider this as your last stop. You'll experience more things when you grow up," nakasimangot na saad ko. Bumuntong-hininga ako nang malalim at ngumiti sa kanya. I just discover I'm still too young to think of these things, to choose people who I want to stay in my life, to force fate. I think I'm being selfish and self-centered. I can't always demand for someone else's time especially when they have their own lives to live. I guess we need to experience many stops in our lives before we settle down, before we decide where to stay and who to stay with forever.
"Did you realize something? You're finally smiling," he asks, intrigued.
"So, your family can't stay here for good, right? But will you still find time to visit me here? Or every summer?" I ask with a sprout of hope in my heart.
He chuckles and messes with my hair that makes me frown. "I'll always visit you here. You can always talk to me. And if you miss me when I'm not able to come, you can always look at the sun and think of me."
"It's a promise?"
"Promise," he said with a smile.
"Are you done with your paintings?" tanong ko.
"I'm done with the individual project. Pero ang painting mo, hindi pa," nakangising sagot niya.
"Baliw! Sa Wednesday na ang submission ng painting na 'yon!" nakasimangot na paalala ko sa kanya. "Tapos huhulaan ko pa kung bakit gano'n ang painting mo at syempre ipapaliwanag mo pa."
"It's alright. I'll finish it soon. Bukas, pinturahan na natin ang room mo."
"Sige. Gusto ring tumulong ni Josh. Bakit hindi mo isama si Shanty?" suhestiyon ko.
"Hmmm. Shanty is into writing. She tried painting before but she said this one doesn't tug on her heartstrings. And she has a different dream now so I don't think she'll join us."
I nod in silence. Maybe we can't really force others to like what we like to do. Everyone has their own preferences and we must respect it.
"By the way, I composed a song, will you listen?" nakangiting tanong ni Rozend habang binubuksan ang kanyang guitar case.
"Tinatanong mo 'ko pero parang hindi ko na kailangang sumagot," natatawang saad ko.
"You always have a choice," reklamo niya. He already starts tuning his guitar and listens to the sound of each chords.
Ngumiti ako. Nakapatong na ang kaliwang pisngi ko sa mga tuhod ko habang nakatingin sa kanya. "I want to listen. I want to hear your singing voice."
There is a sudden tinge of blush in his cheeks when he turns to me with a shy smile. "I'm not that good."
I chuckle. "I can tolerate it," pang-aasar ko.
He looks at me intently with a grateful smile and I smile back. It's nice to know that you can understand people by just looking in their eyes and knowing their smile.
"Medyo nahihiya na tuloy ako, Lola," natatawang sabi niya.
"Naman," natatawang sabi ko.
"But this song isn't finished yet. I'm just writing some random thoughts and they're not really connected. I will try to rewrite this song one of these days," he said with an apologetic smile.
"Then I will listen again when you complete it. Kumanta ka na," nakangiting saad ko.
Napakamot siya sa ulo niya pero huminga nang malalim bago nagsimulang tumugtog.
He plays a soft melody on his guitar and sings with his sweet deep voice. I can't help but be mesmerized by the sound of his singing voice. The song is soft and sweet and full of emotions I can't name. The song is still raw but an honest one.
This life doesn't make sense but when we first met
All colors burst to life
When you walk to me
The universe came to life
On this lazy day, you're the only one in my mind
I miss you and you feel the same
But we don't need to talk about it
We just know the colors are bright this time
Paint splatters all over the floor
Even if the colors fade, memories will stay
Even if the colors fade, I will stay the same
Even if the colors fade away, I want to stay
"This song isn't finished yet but this is dedicated to you. Because you're my favorite person, Zen," he sincerely said with an honest smile when he turns to me. And I hope he's aware that he's causing so much trouble in this heart of mine and take responsibility for it.
***
BINABASA MO ANG
The Universe and Beyond
Teen FictionA girl who dreams to be a painter, suffering from grief and loss due to her best friend's sudden death and unable to move on. A boy made of light and art, her new neighbor. The bonsai tree full of her thoughts, despair, poetry and arts. (June 06, 20...
